


Assurance

by ohstars



Series: 'Til the End of the Line [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes and the 21st Century, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Closeted Characters, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Night Terrors, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Sam is a Saint, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Steve Rogers Has PTSD, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-05-15 15:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14793059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohstars/pseuds/ohstars
Summary: Things are looking up for Steve Rogers: his relationship with Bucky is slowly growing, his friends are his friends again, and for the first time since he was defrosted six years ago, Steve doesn't feel the crushing weight of his anxiety, depression, and grief. His life is finally getting into a nice, easy rhythm, complete with a great "husband," best friend, and a new role in his life: mentor.Maybe things won't be so bad...Our Now: Part Four of Four





	1. Chapter 1

2018

Steve and Bucky didn’t stay at the party for too long after their kiss. They said their goodbyes and made their way home, where they collapsed onto Steve’s bed. They lay there, with just their hands holding, over the covers and staring up at the ceiling. 

“I can’t believe this is real,” Steve admits. 

“Me neither,” Bucky whispers. 

Steve looks to Bucky, a boy-ish grin on his face. “What all do you remember from our relationship before? I want to fill you in, now. Make sure you remember everything.” 

Bucky smiles back. “I know our anniversary is June 24th and that we still counted that day as the start of our relationship and completely ignored the year we broke up when counting dates.”

“It wasn’t a total year. We broke it off after our anniversary and got back together before it,” Steve adds. 

“And we were together for almost nine years before I fell,” Bucky says softly, watching Steve carefully. The other man’s face twitches a little at the mention, but he’s good at hiding his emotions. At least from most people. Bucky sees how sensitive he is about the whole situation and decides to bring it up later. “And I know that I proposed to you and Gabe married us.”

Steve’s grin returns to his face as he sits up. He takes off his tie and unbuttons his shirt, showing his bare chest with their dog tags (with rubber encasings to keep them from making noise) and rings nestled against the skin. He takes it off and slips the rings off and turns to Bucky. “I’ve been wearing these since I found them.”

Bucky’s in awe. He remembers wearing them when he fell but he doesn’t know how he lost them. He sits up and reaches for the ring with delicate hands. “I… I can’t believe you still have them.” 

“Oh, I have more than just the rings,” Steve mentions with an embarrassed laugh. “I, um, haven’t exactly been honest about my time after I got… thawed out?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Steve slides the ring on and plays with the band subconsciously. “When… When you fell, Buck I was a wreck. I searched for days and I cried near constantly. Just the thought of you would bring tears to my eyes.” He swallows the lump in his throat and looks up at Bucky with a watery smile. “I kept your tags on me at all times, with our rings in between them. I wore them when I told your folks about your passing. I held them when I went to your funeral. I had them wrapped around my ankle when I crashed the Valkyrie. They became my anchor. They keep me grounded,” he explains. Steve shifts so that his left ankle is nearly in Bucky’s lap and reaches for the lamp. “So much that I wanted them on me permanently after I found out you were still alive. Figured one day I’d get to give these tags back to you, so I needed to make a pair of my own.” He rolls up his pants leg and shows off his tattoo in all its glory. 

Bucky gasps and reaches out to touch it. “Its… God, it’s beautiful. And such a you thing to do.” 

Steve laughs and pulls Bucky in for a quick kiss. “I missed that so fucking much.” 

“Me too, doll.” Bucky leans back with a troubled look. “You told my parents I died?” 

“I did,” Steve says softly. “After we searched and couldn’t find you, Phillips and Stark brought me home so I could break the news to your family. Figured it would be best to come from me than some letter.”

Bucky kissed Steve again, with a little more passion than their previous kiss. “Thank you, Stevie.”

Steve caressed Bucky’s cheek in his hand. “Anything for you, Buck.” 

“So what else have you been keeping from me?” Bucky asks, pulling away again with a dopey grin. 

Steve thinks, “I get really anxious sometimes. Sometimes I get these panic attacks in the middle of the day, but now it’s usually only when I’m cold or submerged in water. Then there’s the usual nightmares-”

“Like mine?” 

The blond nods. “I just don’t get them as much nowadays. I’ve been keeping myself in check so I don’t feel as overwhelmed with my grief and anxiety. Besides, having you here helps more than you’ll ever know.” He kisses Bucky again because he just can’t help himself. “I wish I could kiss you forever,” he mumbles against Bucky’s lips.

Bucky chuckles. “You and me both, pal.” 

“Thing is, Buck,” Steve starts, “it’s different now. The world is, I mean. Oh, Bucky, you should’a seen it.” Steve’s crying again, but his smile’s only grown sad. He shook his head and went to speak again when he gasps. “You can!”

“I can?” 

“Yeah, hang on!” Steve leaps across the room, shirt flapping around him as he snags his tablet. “I know you already know a lot about the 21st century, but this… this is gonna blow your mind.” 

Bucky looks weary. “I barely have a mind left to be blown.” 

Steve just beams and taps away at the device. “Ready?” He sits beside him, the tablet in the middle of them. “Hit the screen.” 

The brunet rolls his eyes and hits the play button. A newsreel starts to play. An older man stands before a television that’s playing some slide show thing with a bunch of people in holding up signs and flags. He’s holding a card and says, “Today, in one of the most momentous civil rights decisions in its history. The Supreme Court of the United States found that gay and lesbian Americans have a constitutional right to marry.” 

“Gay is the new word for queer,” Steve supplies as the man continues talking. Pictures of people celebrating in front of the court building are on the screen.

Bucky hates to admit that Steve was right. That is mind blowing. He keeps watching. He watches as men kiss men and women hold up their wedding rings. People of all ages, all in love with the same sex and its being broadcasted on television. “How long ago was this?”

“June 26th, 2015. I watched it live and freaked out,” Steve tells him, resting his head on Bucky’s metal shoulder. “We were on a mission in Britain I believe and we were all just hanging out, trying to unwind when a similar story popped up on the news. I panicked and ran.”

“You ran?” Bucky gasps. 

Steve nods. “I didn’t know what else to do! I was just barely in tune with this century and I’ve had so many hiccups when it comes to gay stuff that I didn’t want the others to see me blubbering over the ruling. That’s how Sam found out. He chased me until I broke. And then I confided in him about you.”

Bucky sets the tablet down and lift Steve’s chin off his shoulder. “Steve, I don’t think I want-”

“Neither do I,” Steve says quickly. “It’s just nice to know we have that option, but old habits die hard.” 

A kiss falls to his temple. “I love you, Stevie. You always know what’s best for us. For the most part at least.” 

“Love you, too, Buck,” Steve chuckles. 

~*~*~*~

Dinners with Daisy had become a weekly event, sometimes twice. Sam joined them every now and then and when Darlene was there, so did she. It worked for them. 

This week, it was just the three of them. Daisy had prepared a lovely lasagna and the three were having a great time. Bucky was slowly starting to return to civilian life, gaining his life back in more ways than one. 

Bucky groans, shoveling his food into his face. “This is fantastic, Daise.”

“I’m glad you like it,” she laughs.

“How are you even tasting it?” Steve asks, disgust written on his face. 

Bucky pauses to glare at Steve. “With my taste buds.” 

“You’re letting your food touch your taste buds?” 

“I hate you.” 

“No, you don’t.” 

“You know, this is probably a reaction to being starved and tortured. You should be glad I’m eating at all,” Bucky whines.

Steve rolls his eyes. “As happy as I am that you’re eating, you’ve always inhaled your food. So nice try.” 

Daisy just laughs, sipping at her water. 

“You’re an ass, Rogers.”

“You say that like it’s new information.” 

Bucky huffs and goes back to his food. 

Daisy shakes her head. “You two are something else, ya know?” She moves to stand, taking her empty glass to the kitchen. 

Steve jumps up and takes it from her. “Sit, I got this.” 

She huffs and settles back down. 

Steve goes to the kitchen and returns with a glass of water for Daisy. He sets it down in front of her before he moves to clean up some of the other empty dishes. “This was lovely,” he tells Daisy. 

“Thank you, Steve,” she sighs. “I wanted to make something more complicated, but I couldn’t stand that long to do it.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Bucky tells her softly. “We get it.”

Her positive attitude turned sour as she sits, her hands in her lap and her head tipped down. “I feel so useless these days, like I’m too frail to move.”

Bucky’s head falls too, loose strands of hair that had slipped from his bun fall in front of his eyes. “I get that way, too. Sometimes… After everything…” 

Steve stops what he’s doing, dishes forgotten in the soapy water, and listens. 

“There are days when I feel like I should just… stop existing, like I don’t deserve to breathe the same air as Steve or anyone else for that matter. There are days when I feel so overwhelmed with these phantom aches and touches that I can’t bring myself to actually do anything. There are days when I shut down physically, mentally, and emotionally because I can’t listen to the voices in my head anymore…” Bucky’s shaky sigh practically pounds in Steve’s ears. 

Bucky never talks about how he feels, not the vulnerable shit anyways. Sure, they’ve talked about what Bucky’s experienced and how Steve needs to react when Bucky’s in a dark place, but they’ve never actually discussed how he feels. Not that Steve hasn’t tried to get Bucky to open up, the assassin simply didn’t feel compelled to share the nitty gritty details of his imprisonment and the lasting effects the abuse have on him. 

Steve’s starting to tear up. 

“I’m just saying, we all feel like that sometimes. Even Steve, when he gets too cold and thinks he’s being frozen again. Can’t really save the world if you’re too stuck in your head.” Bucky’s soft chuckle fills Steve with a warmth he never knew he needed. “Aging is hard. Not being able to do what you once could is hard, but having those who care about you show how much you mean to them by doing your dishes or helping you down the stairs… That’s something you should be proud to have, Daise.” 

Daisy sniffles. “You’re a damn good man, Bucky. A damn good one.”

Steve wipes his hands and leans against the doorframe. “I’ll say,” Steve says with a sad look. Bucky can read through it, Steve knows this, but that doesn’t mean he wants to hide his emotions away. Not anymore. The captain pushes himself off the frame and slings the towel over his shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Buck. I know that took a lot to admit to us,” Steve whispers before placing a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips. 

Daisy gasps and splutters for the right words. 

Bucky blushes and ducks his head again, ignoring his sister’s struggle for words. “I didn’t-”

“I’m sorry, how long has this been happening?” Daisy squawks. 

Steve winks at her. “1935.” 

She rolls her eyes. “Rogers, you know what I meant.”

“New Years,” Bucky supplies quietly, staring intently at his fork. “I kissed him on the roof.”

“And we’re getting back into our groove now,” Steve says, arms wrapping around Bucky’s shoulders. “You know the drill, right?”

Daisy’s unimpressed. “Who do I look like? Tony Stark? I’ve kept this a secret for eighty years, I think I can manage.”

Bucky took her hand in his metal one, the dainty, frail thing looking tiny in comparison. “Thank you.” 

~*~*~*~

Sam finds Bucky and Steve in bed together, all cuddled and secure, in the middle of the night when there’s a mission 

Last week, Steve discovered the apartment was bugged. One of the devices started to malfunction, creating a buzzing that no one should have been able to hear. No one except for Steve. Thankfully, the three of them know enough sign language and have enough experience with spies that they know what to do. 

Each day, they debug a room. It’s slow work, but they all agreed it was best to stall. If they debugged the entire apartment, whoever was listening would figure it out and might attack before they’re prepared. Going room to room grants them more time to figure out who it is and preparing for the attack without the listener knowing. 

Granted, that meant being near silent. Bucky was perfectly fine with that, happily traveling from room to room without a sound. The others struggled a little, but for the most part they were fine. 

Steve’s only concern was the Avengers’ alarm. The speakers were disconnected, but the lights were still working. In theory, they should still wake up, but Steve’s still worried.

It didn’t help that the night the alarm goes off, Bucky’s not doing so well. 

“Do you wanna try and sleep?” Steve asks, rubbing Bucky’s back. 

The assassin shook his head, dark hair draping over his face. 

Steve sighs. “Okay.” It was hard trying to comfort Bucky without triggering him or making him uncomfortable. Steve knew most of Bucky’s ticks and signals, but it was still a guessing game.

Bucky was sitting beside him, so that means he doesn’t want to be alone or else he’d have gone to his room or the kitchen. He’s sitting close to Steve, their thighs nearly touching, so he doesn’t mind being touched (with warning - you always have to warn Barnes before touching his back). He wasn’t speaking or looking to Steve, so he didn’t want to talk or listen. 

Bucky huffs and turns to Steve, resting his head on the blond’s shoulder. Steve wraps his arms around Bucky, holding him close. “You sure you don’t want to lay down? I can hold you closer and we don’t have to-” Steve yawns, blushing furiously in the darkness of the night. 

The brunet pulls away, one cocky eyebrow raised. Wordlessly, he pushes Steve back against the pillows and curls into his chest like a cat. Steve lifts his head, mouth opening to speak but Bucky stops him, one metal finger pressed to his lips. Defeated, Steve lays back down and holds Bucky in his arms. “Ложитесь спать, кукла,” the assassin mumbles against Steve’s chest. 

Steve beams and presses a kiss to Bucky’s head. “Thank you,” he whispers. 

They settle in, curled around one another with sheet covering their legs. Having been up for far too long and their previous hour of sleep only restless and anxiety filled, the boys fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. 

Deep enough to sleep through flashing lights. 

Sam, however, was not as lucky. As soon as the lights began to flash, Sam was jumping out of bed and grabbing his pants. He snatches his phone off the bedside table and shoots Natasha a text, trying to figure out what they needed to do. 

He bumbles around, grabbing his gear and getting ready for work. It’s when he’s stumbling into the bathroom to brush his teeth that he realizes he’s the only one up. “God dammit, Rogers. Am I the only adult here?” he grumbles before he barges into the captain’s room. “Steve,” he calls, “it’s showtime.”  
Steve and Bucky jolt out of bed, a dagger and pistol in each of Bucky’s hands already. 

Sam freezes in the doorway, hands in the air. “It’s just me, Barnes.”

Steve lowers Bucky’s hands. “Relax, he’s just waking us up for a mission,” Steve says as he steps between the brunets. “You alright?”

Bucky glowers at Sam over Steve’s shoulder. “Fine,” he huffs as he moves towards Steve’s closet. 

Sam looks to Steve, shock etched into his features. He jabs a finger into Steve’s broad chest. “If we didn’t have to go save the world, you and I would be having a very serious conversation, Rogers.” 

The captain salutes the Falcon, a mischievous smirk on his face. 

~*~*~*~

The mission was surprisingly easy. The Avengers were tasked with escorting a caravan of ambassadors through the Middle East. With all of the veteran Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. helping out, the mission was over as quick as it started.

Which left a very curious Sam in the hands of Steve and Bucky. 

As soon as they returned to their apartment, Sam corners Steve in the kitchen. “You and me, walk. Now.” 

Steve sighs and closes the fridge. “Buck, Sam and I are going for a walk. Be back in a bit.” A muffled grunt was all the response Steve got. 

As soon as they made it on the street, Sam drills into Steve. “Since when does Bucky sleep in your room?”

“That’s been going on for a few months. It started with him needing someplace to go after nightmares and then… it just stuck. Bucky seemed embarrassed about it, otherwise I would have told you.” Steve stuffs his hands in his pockets, his head ducked to hide his blush. 

Sam nods. “And that doesn’t affect you at all?” 

Steve chuckles. “Trust me, there’s a lot happening emotionally.” 

“Like?” Sam quirks an eyebrow at him. He glances at Steve, noticing the goofy grin peeking through his nonchalant facade.  
The blond pauses, glancing around at anything but Sam. “Do you remember Tony’s New Years party?”

Sam smirks. “Barely.”

“You know how you said the other week that I’ve been acting different?” 

“Yeah? Where’s this going?”

“At the party, I may have kissed someone.” 

Sam skids to a halt, grabbing Steve’s arm and turning him to face him. “Are you serious?” 

Steve nods, face beet red and grin as wide as it could go. “Very.”

“Who?” The look on Steve’s face said it all: Barnes. Sam gasps and grabs Steve’s shoulders. “You guys are..?” Steve nods, all watery eyes and giggles. The brunet pulls the bigger man into his arms, laughing as they hug. “Finally!”

Steve claps Sam’s shoulder, hiding his face in his neck as he shakes with laughter. They pull away, both grinning like idiots. “I want to hear everything, as long as it stays PG-13.” 

Steve rolls his eyes as they start to walk on, too happy to really take offense. “There’s not much to discuss. Bucky and I’ve been taking it slow, not trying to rush into anything.”

“How far have you gone?”

“Aren’t you the one who asked to keep it PG-13?” 

“Yeah, but I’m curious and concerned. I know you’re not a virgin prude, but Bucky’s fresh out of seventy years worth of torture. You and I both read his files and that shit was rough to read, let alone live through.” 

Steve sighs. “I know. We’ve had conversations about that. Not about the experiences, but just about his boundaries and how they still affect him. We haven’t done anything more than heavy petting-”

“We call it making out, Cap.” 

“Fine, we’ve only made out so far,” Steve mocks. “Which is fine with me. Anything is better than nothing. I’m just glad we’re talking.” 

Sam laughs. “You’re such a romantic.”  
“I can’t help it!” 

Sam shakes his head and claps Steve’s shoulder again. “I’m happy for you. You guys deserve to be happy.” 

Steve blushes. “Thanks. That means a lot.” 

They turned the corner, heading towards a coffee shop. “What are you two calling it? Are you boyfriends? Husbands? Just friends who happen to make out and share a room?”

Steve opens the door for them. “Husbands.”

“Really?” Sam asks, moving into the line. 

The blond pulls out his tags, showing the solitary ring. “Really.” 

Sam nods, impressed. “Well, then. Congrats on the marriage,” he whispers, just in case anyone recognizes them. Steve’s smile turns sweet as he tucks the tags back under his collar. “Coffee’s on me,” Sam tells him. 

“You don’t have to-”

“My best friend just confided in me that his long term boytoy is now his husband… again.” Sam pulls out his wallet. “The least I can do is buy you a coffee.” 

Steve shakes his head. “Fine.” 

They order their coffees and venture back into the cool air of January. “Are you planning on sharing this information with the rest of the team?”

“Not at the moment.” 

Sam stops, brows furrowed. “Ever?”

Steve shrugs. “Old habits die hard. Bucky’s not stable and neither of us are comfortable with being together in public. So for now, we’re keeping it secret.” 

“Well, you two let me know whenever you want to come out.” 

“Thanks, Sam. Dunno what I’d do without you.”

~*~*~*~

February brings cold air and Valentine’s Day. Sam spent the week leading up to the big day teasing the two of them, much to Bucky’s dismay. In retaliation, Bucky keeps reminding Sam that he’s single, which causes Sam to pout. 

Steve’s stuck dealing with the both of them and he’s going crazy.

It doesn’t help that Bucky’s been quieter than usual. 

Steve’s rubbing Bucky’s shoulder, where metal meets flesh. This was about as intimate as they would get. Bucky’s shoulder was nearly always inflamed, less than with his other arm he claims, but inflamed nonetheless. 

Steve had walked in one day to see Bucky struggling to massage the back of his arm. “Can I?” he asked, nodding towards the arm. 

Bucky, clearly in pain based on the pronounced grimace on his face and the droop in his eyes. Any other time, he would have said no, that he didn’t want to be touched. But the ache was getting unbearable and Bucky was three seconds from ripping off his new arm. 

Hesitantly, Bucky nodded. 

The blond sat beside him, turned to face Bucky’s torso. “Where does it hurt?”

Bucky points to the edge of his arm, where the puffy red skin shows through his white tee. Steve delicately presses on the skin, causing Bucky to grunt. “Too hard?” 

Bucky shakes his head. “It’s good.” He relaxes under Steve’s gentle, yet unrelenting fingers. “Feels good.”

Steve presses a kiss to Bucky’s cheek. “Good.”

It became routine for them to sit on their bed, Bucky nearly in Steve’s lap. Bucky would keep his t-shirt on, but Steve would sometimes slip his fingers under the sleeve (with Bucky’s consent, of course) and massage the skin directly. 

He’s never seen Bucky without his shirt off, not in a domestic setting at least. Steve gets it though, he’s always been insecure about his body and how others would perceive him. If Steve and Bucky weren’t raised together, Steve would have struggled to show his body to Bucky. Hell, he still struggled even after the serum. Knowing the torture Bucky dealt with and the inevitable scars that litter his body, Steve would be surprised if Bucky showcased his body without hesitation.

Steve hums as he massages Bucky’s shoulder, some tune his mother used to sing to him when he was younger. 

Bucky sways ever so slightly to the song, eyes drooping and body relaxing. He’s melting into Steve, perfectly content to spend the rest of his day with the blond. 

“You alright?” Steve whispers, the surrounding silence too loud for anything more than a hushed tone.

The brunet nods, but doesn’t speak. 

Steve kisses Bucky’s shoulder. “Good, tell me when you’re done.”

They slip back into silence, Steve’s motions emphasized by the little grunts Bucky makes. Until Bucky starts to fidget, his knees bouncing and his fingers pulling on his shirt hem. Steve watches him for a moment, trying to read how Bucky was reacting. 

Bucky shifts away from Steve and turns to him, worried and scared. 

“Buck?” Steve scoots back a little, hands raised in defense.

“Go on a date with me,” Bucky rushes, his face bright red.

Steve sits there, mouth agape and his eyes watered. “Ab-Absolutely!” He swoops in to kiss Bucky, lips lingering above Bucky’s, waiting for the other man to lean in. Steve liked to kiss him like this, it gives Bucky an out and asks for consent all at once. Steve’s always been big on consent, but between Bucky’s past and the Time’s Up movement - which he’s a proud supporter of - he thinks it’s even more important to establish boundaries and offer consent every time. 

Bucky leans in for a chaste kiss, ducking his head into Steve’s neck. He practically crawls into Steve’s lap while the blond tries desperately not to gush his feelings all over the place. 

“When do you want to go?” Steve asks, pulling away enough to look at Bucky’s hidden face. 

He shrugs, not meeting Steve’s eyes.

Steve gently moves the hair out of Bucky’s face, and tilts Bucky’s head up. “Hey, look at me,” he says gently. Bucky shifts his gaze to meet Steve’s. “Thank you for asking me. I know that took a lot from you, but it means the world to me. Don’t worry about planning it now, we’re going at your pace.” 

Bucky nods with a small, embarrassed smile. 

 

They didn’t speak about their impending date until Wednesday, the day of Saint Valentine, came. The three of them were scarfing down their breakfast at the diner, not really saying much in the early morning. Not that they could with their mouths stuffed to the brim with food. 

Bucky stacked another empty plate onto the tower of dirty dishes. The tower starts to sway, but Steve and Bucky were quick enough to steady it. 

“This is disgusting,” Sam quips. “How the hell are you still eating?” He motions to the plates of food on the table that surround the tower of dishes. “You do realize no one else does this, right?”

“We’re super soldiers,” Steve starts.

“Our metabolism is superior to regular humans such as yourself,” Bucky adds.

“Plus we need more sustenance to keep us going.”

“Which means more food.”

“And eating more often.”

“You two are assholes,” Sam groans as he returns to his coffee. 

Steve and Bucky smirk at one another, slowing down their shoveling (they’d eat slower, but that won’t do much to diminish how much they eat). Sam kept grumbling to himself, mostly about their lack of manners and the cost of their meal which he was certainly not paying. 

“What do you want to do today, Buck?” Steve asks, rolling his eyes at Sam. 

Bucky looks up, face stuffed with pancakes. He looks like a child, caught in the act. “Tonight.” 

Steve’s brow furrows. “Tonight?”

The wide-eyed assassin nods. “That thing we were talking about. It’s tonight.”

Steve’s face light up like a kid in a Disney movie. “Really?” 

Bucky nods, face turning red as he hides behind the few strands of hair that had fallen out of his bun. 

Sam looks between them. “The hell are you two talking about?”

“Nothing,” Steve says with a smirk. “Nothing at all.” 

 

Steve straightens his tie in the mirror by the door. “Does this look good?” He calls to Sam, smoothing down his shirt. Dressed in a pair of slacks, button down, suspenders, and tie, Steve looks like a dashing soldier from the 40’s. Granted, he is, but he normally doesn’t look like it. 

Sam wolf-whistles from his spot on the couch. “Damn, Rogers. You clean up nice!”

The captain’s brows furrowed. “You’re acting like you’ve never seen me dressed up before.” 

“I’ve never seen you dress up for a date. Dates and charity events are two different things.”

Steve rolls his eyes as he turns back to the mirror to fiddle with his hair. It’s combed and gelled down, like he used to wear it in the forties. It’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than the coiff he wears now. “I’m worried Bucky won’t think so,” Steve admits softly.

Sam rolls his eyes as he heaves himself up off the couch. “Steve, this is Bucky we’re talking about. You two are soulmates. He’ll love you no matter how you look and you know it. Just relax, take a deep breath, and enjoy the night. Your boy’s finally taking you out on a date since God knows when and for the first time in forever, you don’t have to hide away! Y’all could literally go anywhere, with the proper disguises, and do whatever the hell you want! It’s exciting!” 

The blond laughs, watery and shy. “Thanks, Sam. I needed that,” he whispers as he pulls the other man into a hug.

“I’m happy for you, Steve,” Sam says as he pats Steve’s back with a gentle force. 

There’s a knock on the door as they pull apart, heavy and precise. Steve grins and opens the door to reveal a shy, fancy Bucky in the doorway. He’s wearing a nice, white button down, dark jeans, polished boots, and a nice blazer lined with a smooth gray that brings out the blue in his eyes. Bucky’s hair is the most shocking detail. He’s had it cut back to army regulation, like he used to wear it after bootcamp but before the war. 

Steve always loved his hair styled like that. 

Bucky’s staring at Steve, wide-eyed and shy. There’s a blush forming on the apples of his cheeks and his lips are parting just enough to see the bottom of his teeth. He’s beautiful and stunning and everything Steve knows him to be. 

“Hi,” Steve breathes out, letting Bucky into their apartment (Bucky insisted this be a regular date, where he picks Steve up and takes him away on a night he’ll never forget, only to bring him home and kiss him on the doorstep. Steve said that sounded wonderful, but the night better not end on the doorstep. Bucky isn’t sleeping in his old room, not if Steve has any say in the matter - he doesn’t - but Bucky agrees with him anyway). 

“Hi. You look nice,” Bucky whispers before he’s shoving something at Steve’s chest with absolutely no coordination and all force. 

Steve’s breath hitches, partly from the force, but mostly from shock. Clutched in Bucky’s gloved metal hand is a beautiful bouquet of lilacs and tulips. “Oh Bucky,” Steve cries softly. “These are gorgeous!” He takes the bouquet and brings them to his face, smelling the sweet, floral aroma. When Bucky first came home, Sam had encouraged Steve to keep his emotions clear by over exaggerating facial expressions and actions in a subtle way. They grew out of it after all these months, but when Bucky was this fragile - and he was, being all shy and vulnerable in front of Steve and Sam - Steve liked to fall back into that habit. Hence the cliche flower sniffing. He pulls them away from his face and kisses Bucky’s cheek, “Thank you, Bucky. I love them.” 

“You’re welcome,” the assassin squeaks. 

Sam clears his throat and reaches for the flowers. “I’ll put these in water, you two go on.”

Steve’s smile doesn’t wane as he looks to Sam. “Thanks, man. We appreciate it.” 

“It’s no biggie. Y’all just have fun, you deserve it.” 

Bucky’s blush was darker now, but he didn’t seem as flustered. “Are you ready?” 

Steve takes Bucky’s flesh arm. “Lead the way.” 

They left the apartment and walked to the elevator arm in arm. Being outside the apartment and showing affection still seemed like a terrible idea, the paranoid voices in their heads yelling at them to drop arms and run away from each other. Once inside the elevator, they relaxed a little. Bucky’s gloved hand reaches forward and hits the up bottom.

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Buck, where are we going?”

“The roof,” Bucky says as if it’s obvious.

“The roof?”

“We always end up on roofs, it fits.” Bucky shrugs, but a smiles peeking at the corner of his lips and Steve’s close enough to see the blush spread to his ears. 

He can’t resist himself. Steve presses a kiss to Bucky’s cheek again, lingering for a moment. “That sounds wonderful, Buck.”

The elevator only goes up to the top floor, so the boys have to take the stairwell up to the rooftop. Bucky insists on going first, claiming he wants to see Steve’s reaction. Suspicious, but excited, Steve lets him. 

Steve follows Bucky through the doorway and onto the roof, the brisk air of the night swirling around them. It’s beautiful out, the sky is clear and dusted with faint stars, like the freckles on Bucky’s cheeks - soft and nearly gone, but not invisible. 

Bucky’s watching him, his face scrunched with both anxiety and excitement. Steve takes another step and turns to Bucky, only for his eyes to catch the corner of the rooftop. He gasps. “You didn’t!”

Bucky visibly relaxes, his panic replaced with a devious smirk. “I did.”

A couple of feet away, in the corner, Bucky set up a pillow fort complete with blankets, candles (unlit at the moment) and twinkling Christmas lights. It’s huge compared to the ones they made when they were little, but then again Steve and Bucky aren’t the smallest of men. 

Steve rushes to get inside, Bucky hot on his heels. “This is amazing!” Steve laughs as he crawls into the fort. The inside is just as impressive, with a stack of books and art supplies, a small radio, a cooler, a picnic basket, and pillows and blankets galore. “I can’t believe you did this for me,” Steve gasps.

“I did it for us. I know I’m not ready to go out in public, but this is just as good, right?” Bucky asks as he crawls inside.

“Better than good. This is perfect, Bucky. Thank you so much,” Steve cries, pulling him into a passionate kiss.

“Anything for you, doll.” 

They settled in together, with Steve lighting the candles and Bucky turning on the radio to a jazz station. It was nice, just enjoying one another’s company as they read and sketched and listened. At one point, Steve set down his sketch of Bucky relaxing in the fort and laid beside him, his head on Bucky’s chest. He didn’t say anything, just listened to the thumping of Bucky’s heart and the faint whistle of his breathing. Bucky draped a blanket across their bodies, pulling Steve in close. “I never want to leave,” Steve admitted, looking up at Bucky with his big blue eyes. 

“Then we’ll stay.” 

They spent the night on the roof, curled up in each other’s arms and enjoying their newfound relationship. 

Neither of them had a single nightmare. It was almost like the past few decades had never happened and they were back on their Brooklyn rooftop in the 30’s, fresh outta high school and still deeply in love.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm technically on hiatus still, but you guys are just so sweet that I wanted to stop by and give you the first half of this next chapter!!
> 
> Also, this is super rushed and not really that great. It's also unedited, half fluffy, and half kinda angsty... Probably gonna rewrite the second half of the chapter, just so y'all know. 
> 
> Read at your own risk.

2018

 

Steve blows a ring of smoke into the air, the lit cigarette in his hand hovering near his lips. “I’ve missed these.” 

 

“I can’t believe I’ve gone so long without ‘em,” Bucky mumbles around his cigarette. 

 

“I remember when you first started to smoke,” Steve starts, his other hand sketching Bucky in his sketchbook. “You always smelled so good. Aftershave and cigarettes.” 

 

Bucky smirks. “Is that why you were always so eager to kiss me?” 

 

“I’ve always been eager to kiss you, you dork.” 

 

The brunet laughs, closing his eyes. Bucky takes a drag from his cigarette and smirks. “You ever think about gettin’ more of them things?” He nods to Steve’s ankle, the one resting in his lap. 

 

Steve looks up from his sketch pad, his own cigarette dangling from his lips. “Sometimes,” he mumbles. 

 

“What would you get?” Bucky traces the tattoo with his fingers. “You’re not getting my name again.”

 

“Well, damn. There went all my ideas.” Steve snaps his fingers as he lets his notebook fall in his lap. “Now I don’t know what I’ll do.” 

 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Shut up, punk,” he laughs, bringing the cigarette back to his lips. “Seriously, what would you get?”

 

Steve takes his own cigarette from between his lips and flicks the ashes into their tray. “Don’t really know. Was kind of thinking about getting my old shield and helmet? Maybe on my calf?” 

 

“I like that.” Bucky moves Steve’s ankle out of his lap and slowly crawls into Steve’s lap. He wraps his arms loosely around the blond’s neck, smiling down at him. “Do they hurt?” 

 

“Not really,” Steve mumbles around his cigarette. His arms tug Bucky closer, head tilted back to look at him. “They heal pretty quick with our serums.”

 

Bucky puts out his cigarette, leaving it in the tray and leans his head on Steve’s shoulder. “I want one,” Bucky whispers, his lips grazing Steve’s bare shoulder. 

 

“Can I design it?” Steve whispers, his eyes flickering closed.    
  


“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Bucky kisses Steve’s neck. “But first, I have other plans.” 

 

Steve chuckles, his fingers dipping beneath the him of Bucky’s t-shirt. “Is that so?”

 

“Mhm,” Bucky hums, slowly traveling up Steve’s neck to kiss under his chin. 

 

“Where do you want it?” 

 

Bucky pulls back, eyes wide and a smirk on his face. “Wow Steve, didn’t think you’d be that forward.”

 

Steve rolls his eyes. “You’re a jerk, you know that?”

 

Bucky just grins and places a chaste kiss on Steve’s lips. “My arm,” Bucky mumbles. “I’d get it to cover up the scars.” 

 

Steve pushes the hair out of Bucky’s face, holding his cheek in his hand. “I ever tell you I love you?” 

 

“Only a couple of hundred times. A day.” 

 

“Shut up and kiss me.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

“Falcon, do you have eyes on the jewel?” Cap demands into his comms, running towards the edge of the boat. 

 

“Lost track of it,” Sam groans. 

 

Bucky jumps from the third story balcony and lands a few feet from Steve. They run side-by-side toward the stern of the boat. “Some kid jumped off the side with it. He’s swimming to a lifeboat.” 

 

“Dammit,” Steve grumbles. “He gets away with this and we’re screwed.”

 

“What does it do?” Bucky huffs.

 

“It’s a power source. It could power all of New York-” Steve says. “Iron Man, do we have control of those missiles yet?” 

 

“Wouldn’t I have told you?” Tony’s voice snaps over the comms.

“Just figure it out, Stark,” Steve huffs. “Vision and Scarlet Witch, help him out. Hawkeye, Black Widow, do we have the boat secured?” 

  
“Boat’s ours again,” Clint says. “But we need that rock to get it back up and running.”

 

They reached the edge of the boat, the railing pressing against their stomachs. “Do you see him?” Steve asks. 

 

“No, do you?” Bucky growls. 

 

Steve sighs, squinting to look over the horizon. It was dark out and the rough, freezing waters were hard to see in. “He’s gotta be here somewhere,” Steve mumbles.

 

“Missiles are taken care of,” Rhodey says over the comms. “Heading back.” 

 

Bucky squeezes Steve’s shoulder as he covers his communications device. “C’mon, Stevie. You’ve just got to think it through,” he whispers.

 

“I kno- There!” Steve points to the bobbing lifeboat and a figure swimming towards it. He drops his shield and rips off his helmet. “I’m going in,” Steve announces.

 

“Steve, hang on,” Bucky tries, reaching out for the back of Steve’s uniform. 

 

“Rogers, you can’t-” Sam starts.

 

Steve jumps off the railing, diving into the water. He swims toward perp as fast as he can, pushing through the currents. The icy water prickles at his skin, but Steve can’t focus on that right now. They need that jewel. They need to stop him. 

 

“Tony, you need to get Steve,” Bucky says over the comms, his voice an octave higher. “Please, he can’t be in the-”

 

Steve snatches the man by his collar, dragging him to the raft. He hoists himself up, then the perp who was too tired to fight Steve. Steve ties up the man’s hands and takes the jewel from him. 

 

“I’m on it,” Tony says. The Iron-Man suit zooms past the boat and hovers over the raft. Steve shoves the man into the suit’s arms. “Cap, c’mon.” Tony adjusts the man in his arm and reaches for Steve. 

 

“Go,” Steve gasps, his chest heaving. “Get him back.”

 

Tony hits the button to lift the face plate. “Dude, you alright?”

 

Steve’s shaking, but he glares at Tony. “Get. Him. Back.  _ Now, _ ” Steve growls through shaking teeth. 

 

The Iron Man suit flies back to the boat and drops the perp off. He drops down by Bucky and flips his plate back up. “Alright, what’s with Rogers?” 

 

Bucky’s glaring at him, but the heat behind his gaze boiled with concern. “You need to go back and get him.” 

 

“He refuses to come with me!” Tony explains.

 

Sam drops down beside them. He looks at Bucky, eyes wide and his face flushed. “Did he jump in the water?” 

 

Bucky nods, face equally sketched in worry. 

 

“Shit.” Sam runs and jumps off the rail. He swoops across the water and dives down towards the raft. 

 

Steve’s dry heaving, hunched over the raft. He’s shaking and crying, gasping for breath. 

 

Sam hovers over Steve. “C’mon, Steve. We’ve got you.” Steve just sobs. Sam scoops up Steve and flies back to the boat, landing a few feet away from the rest of the Avengers. He lays Steve down, the captain still gasping for breath and shivering. 

 

Bucky slides over, pulling Steve into his arms. “Someone get me a blanket!!” Bucky hollers, running his hands along Steve’s wet arms. “Babydoll,” he breathes into Steve’s ear, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you and I’m never letting go.” 

 

Wanda and Clint move to help Bucky and Steve, but Sam stops them. “Give Bucky some room. He’s good when Steve’s like this.” 

 

“C-can’t-” Steve gasps, tugging at his collar. He leans forward, struggling to reach his foot against Bucky’s arms. “N-Need tags. G-gotta have the t-tags.” 

 

Bucky takes his off and hands them to Steve. “There you go. Stevie, what year are you in?” 

 

Steve’s teeth are chattering. His skin is tinted blue. 

 

Natasha’s heels click against the tile as she rushes over with a blanket. “Here,” she tells Bucky softly. “Take his top off. Wrap him in this.” 

 

“Can’t miss m-my date,” Steve slurs. 

 

Bucky uses his gloved metal hand to start undoing Steve’s uniform. Natasha helps him peel the wet armor off of Steve’s body, tugging it off his arms and quickly wrapping him in the thick blanket. Bucky tugs him close again, rocking the captain back and forth. 

 

“Steve, breathe with me. Just like we normally do,” Bucky whispers.

 

Natasha stands up, giving them their space. She walks back over to the other Avengers, all of them watching Bucky help Steve. 

 

Tony’s taken off his helmet, concerned and confused. “Tasha, the hell is happening?” 

 

Sam and Nat exchange a knowing look. “Steve, he doesn’t do cold water,” Sam explains quietly. 

 

“How come? He doesn’t mind swimming?” Tony asks, crossing his arms.

 

“You know how Cap crashed that plane?” Sam starts, his voice louder. “Ever wonder how he was frozen?” He glares at all of the Avengers, including Natasha. “That kid,” he points to where Bucky and Steve are huddled up together, “drowned. He drowned by himself on a plane he crashed to save the world. So no, Tony, he doesn’t like cold water.” Sam storms off before they could comment, walking over to Bucky and Steve. 

 

Steve’s crying into Bucky’s shoulder. He’s still shaking, but he’s more aware. 

 

Sam kneels beside them, hand hovering over Steve’s back. “You alright, man?” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, just tired,” Steve slurs, head tucked under Bucky’s chin.

  
“You know we need to talk about it later, right? Once we get this boat docked, you and I gotta talk about what happened,” Sam says softly.

 

Bucky moves Steve in his lap, adjusting him to hide within Bucky’s embrace. “C’mon, sugar, talk to us,” Bucky draws, his voice low and soothing.

 

Steve wipes at his eyes with the blanket. “I will,” he promises. 

 

Sam nods and stands back up. “Good,” he mumbles. He turns back around, ready to walk away, when Steve grabs his hand.

  
“Thanks for telling them, Sammy. I should’a done it years ago, but…” Steve sighs and sags into Bucky’s arms.

 

Sam squeezes his hand. “I get it, dude. I get it.” He lets go of Steve’s hand and walks away. 

 

“I can’t believe I let myself do this. I’m the captain, I shouldn’t be so fucking weak,” he hears Steve curse. Bucky mumbles something to him, his voice too quiet for Sam to hear. 

 

The Avengers steer clear of the pair the rest of the mission. Bucky helps Steve off the boat and into a hot shower in the private plane Stark called. The rest of the Avengers debrief without them. 

 

The next morning, Steve wakes up to a new suit at his front door. “Hey babe, did you ask for a new Cap suit?” Steve calls, holding the suit as he walks into their bedroom.

 

Bucky’s lounging on the bed, reading a book. “No, why would I?”

 

Steve shrugs and opens the covering. It’s a standard Captain America suit, but thicker. There’s a note pinned to the lapel with Tony’s handwriting scrawled on the front.

 

_ Rogers, _

 

_ So you don’t have to defrost next time. _

 

 

  * __T. Stark & team.__



 

 

Steve’s face is beet red as he tucks the note in his wallet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more thing. It's gonna be a bit before I get the next chapter out, but I just wanted to say thanks for reading everyone!! 
> 
> I'll delete the hiatus announcement when I'm officially off hiatus, but with the Cap Big Bang still in full swing, I need a bit more time. Also, I joined the Spider-Man Big Bang (which needs more people btw. leave a comment if you want info) and I have another story that I want to write... That's four stories that need to be written (including this one) so bear with me!! 
> 
> Alright, thanks for reading y'all!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a short one, but I hope you guys like it! 
> 
> Unedited and unbeta'd as always.

2018

Steve pulls his coat tighter. He’s shaking from the brisk breeze, it’s subtle but it’s got Bucky staring him down.

 

“Cold there, Capsicle?” Tony asks.

 

“Little bit,” Steve mumbles. He slaps a hand on Bucky’s chest as the former assassin starts to lean towards the genius. “Cool it, Buck,” he whispers.

 

Bucky glares at Tony, crossing his arms as he settles beside Steve again.

 

Sam rolls his eyes at them.

 

Somehow, Tony convinced the three of them to go out with him and the other Avengers. Steve would only agree if Tony let them go undercover and have a lowkey night, which meant taking public transportation and wearing disguises.

 

“We’re meeting Nat and the others at the club right?” Sam asks, moving to walk beside Tony.

 

Steve and Bucky fall back a little, walking in perfect harmony with their shoulders brushing. “One of these days, I’m punching him,” Bucky grumbles.

 

“Relax, Buck. He’s just teasing me.” Steve smiles at him from under his ball cap.

 

Bucky glares at him, eyes a piercing blue in the shadows of his face. “Still. He should know by now that you don’t do the cold.” He adjusts his own jacket with a frown. “If it weren’t for this damned metal arm, I’d give you mine, doll.”

 

Steve nudges his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay,” he whispers, a blush forming on his cheeks. “I know you’d anything for me. Know why?”

 

“Why?”

 

Steve takes a quick glance around, making sure there’s no one around. Tony’s focus is ahead of them. He leans in close, lips brushing against Bucky’s ear. “‘Cause you’re my best guy and you always make sure I’m taking care of,” he says.

 

Bucky chuckles. “Damn right I do,” he says. Bucky grabs Steve’s cheek before he can pull away and plants a quiet, soft kiss on his puckered lips. He lets him go, grinning like a cat.

 

The blond licks at his lips, head ducked down to his chest and smile wide.

 

They turn the corner. It’s a little busier, so the two take a step away with a tight smile.

 

Tony turns around, walking backwards. “So, do I need to work my magic and get you both dates or can you soldiers muster up the courage to do it yourself?”

 

“We know how to attract a dame, Stark,” Bucky drawls, accent heavy.

 

Tony scowls, pointing a finger at Bucky. “First off, might not want to call them dames. Second, I never said attract. You’re two super soldiers designed to be the perfect specimen of our species. Genetics has you taken care of. I meant, can you actually flirt with a girl without offending her with your prehistoric lines and vocabulary?”

 

Bucky raises an eyebrow and looks to Steve. “What’s wrong with the word dame?”

 

Steve shakes his head. “It’s outdated and probably offensive.”

 

“Huh,” Bucky mumbles.

 

“But yes, Tony,” Steve says, “we can handle ourselves.”

 

Tony nods. “Good. I don’t need you two distracting me and Pepper,” he says with a cocky smile. He trips, foot catching on a lip in the sidewalk, and flails his arms.

 

Sam catches him effortlessly. “You’re not even drunk yet, Stark.”

 

Tony brushes off his shoulders and turns back around. “That’s the problem. I’m completely sober.”

 

Steve rolls his eyes.

 

They turn another corner. There’s a couple of bars at the opposite corner. One dawns a huge pride flag, with men and women alike mingling out front. The other is a more subdued bar and, from the looks of it, meant to be a sports bar.

  
Steve nudges Bucky’s shoulder and nods to the pride flag dancing in the breeze before them.

 

Bucky’s face grows pale, his eyes in awe. “Ain’t ever seen one of them in person,” he whispers to Steve.

 

“Beautiful, ain’t it?” Steve says, voice as soft as the breeze.

 

“Yeah, yeah it is.”

 

Tony glances over his shoulder. “Stay close, you two. Don’t need you saying shit to these nice people.”

 

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “The hell does that mean?”

 

Sam shoves Tony playfully. “They’re not assholes, Stark. Neither of them would say a damn word.”

 

Tony crosses his arms. “Steve literally called a guy the f word, so I don’t trust him around the gays anymore.”

 

Bucky looks at Steve.

 

“It’s not my proudest moment,” Steve mumbles.

 

They keep walking until the chilling sound of a bone snapping splits the air. Steve and Bucky come to a halt, already on alert and listening to where the sound came from.

 

Tony and Sam stop, too. They watch the soldiers, concern growing on their faces.

 

“Steve, what’s wrong?” Sam asks.

 

Steve sprints forward, pushing between his friends and gunning for the alleyway between the bars. He can hear Bucky running after him, right at his heels.

 

They slide into the alleyway to find three men beating on two others and suddenly Steve’s fifteen and watching a couple of brutes beat a poor homosexual couple to death.

 

His face turns to stone as he steps forward. Steve doesn’t say a word as he throws two of the assholes against the brick wall, kicking the other off the poor couple.

 

Bucky’s quick to slam them back against the wall when they try to escape. “Might not wanna do that,” he sneers.

 

Steve bends down and looks at the couple. “You fellas alright?”

 

One of them, a tall, lanky fellow, nods through his broken nose. “Calvin?”

 

The shorter man shakes his head, holding onto his side.

 

“Tony, call 911,” Steve calls as he stands. “Wilson-”  


Sam rushes forward. “Already on it, Cap.”

 

Steve turns to the three men, still pinned against the wall thanks to Bucky.

 

The middle man, the skinniest of the bunch, sneers at Steve. “You think your all that, don’t you? That you’re better than us?”

 

Steve raises an eyebrow. “I do. You’re hardly a person, in my eyes. You were about to kill them, you realize that right?”

 

The biggest rolls his eyes and pushes off the wall, coming to stare Steve down, eye level.

 

Bucky adjusts his hold on the other two, watching him carefully.

 

“You ain’t shit, big guy,” the man spats before spitting at Steve’s face.

 

Steve takes off his baseball cap and wipes the spit off his face, face expressionless. “You want to run that by me one more time, soldier?” Steve asks, Cap voice in full effect.

 

Bucky rolls up his sleeves, showing off his metal arm. “Wouldn’t anger the Captain, fellas. Ain’t no tellin’ what he’ll do.”

 

The man before Steve grumbles, “You expect me to believe that Captain America and the Winter fucking Soldier are out here saving the fags?”

 

As if on reflex, Steve’s arm pulls back and his fist pounds into the man’s face, sending him to the floor. He’s breathing heavier, face growing hot. Steve’s cold eyes glance at the two men held against the wall. “You two have anything to say? Want to try insulting me with your shitty beliefs, too?”

 

Their silence fills the alley.

 

Steve nods and wipes the blood off his knuckles. “Good. Keep ‘em there, Buck.”

 

Bucky gives Steve a salute and a proud smile.

 

“You done, Rogers? Could use another set of hands over here,” Sam calls.

 

Steve’s back in action, helping Sam with the blood and first aid.

 

The and medics arrive on scene and take over, the police close behind. Statements are given, details are exchanged, insults thrown their way, but the Avengers stick to their honest truth.

 

When they’re released, Steve’s stuck in his head as they walk away from the scene. He walks with his hands in his pockets and his head down low, expression blank.

 

Bucky watches him for another block before he decides to get to the bottom of this. “Steve, what’s going on?” he asks, grabbing the captain’s arm.

 

Steve looks up at Bucky, tears in his eyes. “We should have done something,” he says, voice cracking.

 

Tony holds up a hand. “Um, I believe stopping that fiasco was doing something, Rogers.”

 

Bucky shakes his head. “That’s not what he’s talking about,” he says quietly. He clears his throat, glancing at Steve. “There ain’t nothing we could have done then, Stevie.”

 

Steve laughs bitterly. “Yeah, Buck, I think there was. We could have done something. Could have jumped in, could have called someone, could have caused a scene.”

 

“And we would’ve ended up the same way they did. Drowning in our own blood in a dark alleyway,” Bucky says bluntly. “We were kids, Steve. They wouldn’t of thought nothing of it.”

 

“What are they talking about?” Tony stage whispers to Sam.

 

Sam crosses his arms and leans into Tony. “They saw a couple of gay guys get beaten to death when they were teens.”

 

Tony’s eyes widened. “Dark.”

 

“Everything about the thirties was dark, Tony,” Steve snaps. He turns around, fists clenched at his sides. “We sat there and just watched, Buck. Didn’t do a damned thing but watch. We watched as they got the life beaten out of ‘em,” Steve seethes, taking a few steps towards the brick wall of a foreclosed apartment.

 

Bucky crosses his arms. “Steve, you can’t let that guilt eat you up. We’ve done a hell of a lot worse than that.”

 

Steve shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. It was our civil right to do something and we just stood by.”

 

“You were already doing your civil right, Steve. Gettin’ your ass kicked every single day because your righteous ass couldn’t stop doing the right thing. You were a fucking twig, Rogers. I wasn’t much better.” Bucky takes a step forward.

 

“You act like you weren’t built as a teenager,” Steve snaps.

 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “I played baseball, Steve. I didn’t box till later.”

 

Steve shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. We could have taken them.”

 

Bucky throws his hands in the air. “We couldn’t, first of all. And you’re right, it doesn’t matter. We didn’t do anything because we were scared kids who just had our first heartbreak. We didn’t know how to stop three grown ass drunk men from killing those poor souls. Hell, they would have done the same thing, Steve. You weren’t exactly the manliest of twigs back in the day.”

 

“We just let it happen, though. We just- I can’t-” Steve lets out a mangled scream as he punches the wall.

 

Bucky springs forward and captures his arm in his hands. “Hey, hey, hey,” he says softly as he pulls the bigger man away from the wall. Bucky glances over his shoulder at Tony and Sam. “You two go on. We’ll see you later,” he says.

 

Sam nods, dragging a protesting Tony away.

 

Steve breaks, sobbing into Bucky’s neck as the brunet holds him from behind.

 

Bucky turns him around, slotting the blond into his arms like a perfect puzzle. He rubs Steve’s back. “I know, babydoll. I know,” he whispers.

 

“It ain’t fair,” Steve cries, holding Bucky tight.

 

“It ain’t,” Bucky says. “It ain’t fair that those fellas lost their lives because of who they loved. It ain’t fair that we had to hide for so long. It ain’t fair that our lives have fucked us over so much that we can’t even tell our friends about us. Nothing in life is fair, Stevie.” He presses a kiss to Steve’s neck, closing his eyes.

 

Steve hides his face in Bucky’s neck and just cries.

 

Bucky holds him tight.

 

They stood their, holding each other, for the first time in public. The quiet hum of New York sang around them, a muffled melody in the distance. The breeze tickled at their legs, finding its way into their clothes to caress their skin. There wasn’t a soul in sight.

 

So they stood there. And they held each other as tight as they could.

 

“I gotta do something,” Steve whispers after a while, voice still thick with tears.

 

Bucky pulls away and wipes at Steve’s face with his mismatched thumbs. “Like?”

 

Steve’s breath is shaky as he holds Bucky’s hands to his face. “I gotta put an end to this mess. I can’t let this happen again. It was too close a call tonight.”

 

“What’re you saying?” Bucky asks softly with a crease in his brow.

 

“I don’t know, but I can’t let people assume I’m a prejudice asshole because of how we were raised. I can’t let people, can’t let my friends, think we’re some homophobic fuckheads,” Steve says, his tone growing in confidence.

 

“What’s the plan then, Stevie?”

 

Steve shrugs and presses a kiss to both of Bucky’s wrists. “I don’t know. I’ll let you know when it comes to me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chap, we find out about the plan!! 
> 
>  
> 
> (But you may want to brace yourselves. Heavy angst is in our future.)


	4. 2018-2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Avengers: Infinity War spoilers ahead!!!
> 
> And heavy angst, but it's worth it. Very worth it. 
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry in advance.

2018

 

“What’s the plan?” Sam asks, arms crossed and brow furrowed. He’s watching Steve, like everyone else in the room.

 

Steve, with his own arms crossed, watches Wakanda from the window. “We fight. We fight until our nails bleed and our feet crumble. We fight until we can’t see straight. We fight until Thanos is dead.” 

 

T’Challa moves to stand beside him. “And how do we do that?” he asks.

 

“Together,” Steve says, turning to face his motley crew of Avengers. “We may have lost Tony. We may not have Thor. But we do have a plan.” He points to Vision. “Shuri, you’re sure you can get that out of his head.”

 

Shuri smiles. “It will take some time, but I believe I can have it out before Thanos gets here.” 

 

Steve nods. “Take Bruce and Wanda with you. Dr. Banner might be able to help you get into the framework of Vision mind quicker. Wanda, destroy the damn rock as soon as they remove it.” He turns to T’Challa as they exit the room. “We’ll start to get ready. How-”

 

Wakanda rumbled with the Black Order’s ships hitting the forcefield. 

 

T’Challa and the Dora Milaje jumped into action. T’Challa and Okoye shouted commands as they swiftly exited the room. 

  
Steve nods towards the exit. “Follow T’Challa. He’ll tell you where to go.” Natasha starts to guide Rhodey, Sam, and Bucky out the door. “Barnes stays with me,” Steve warns. “We’ll meet you guys out there in a moment.”

 

Sam glances between the two, his I’m-concerned-as-both-a-friend-and-a-trained-counselor face. 

 

Bucky shrugs as he joins Steve’s side. 

 

The super soldiers watch as their friends and comrades leave to prepare for battle. As the door shuts, Steve’s shoulders fall and with that, Captain America is gone.

 

“You alright, doll?” Bucky asks softly, caressing Steve’s bearded cheek with his metal hand. 

 

Steve gives him a tight smile, eyes a little red. “I’ve got a feeling in my stomach, Buck.”

 

Bucky cocks an eyebrow. “A feeling?”

 

“This… It feels like the train, Buck,” Steve whispers, holding Bucky’s hand to his cheek. 

 

“The train?” Bucky moves a little closer. “Steve, baby, I’m right here. Ain’t goin’ nowhere.” 

 

Steve shakes his head. “I had this feeling when we were ziplining that you should have stayed home. I couldn’t shake it while we were fighting and then-,” Steve squeezes his eyes shut. 

 

Bucky pulls Steve into a hug, lips pressed against the man’s temple. “I’m a hell of a lot more trained than I was back then, Stevie. I’ll be okay.”

 

Steve holds him tight. “I can’t lose you again, Bucky. It’d tear me in half.” 

 

“You ain’t gettin’ rid of me, Steve. Not till we’re old and gray and wrinkled as all get out,” Bucky whispers. 

 

“You promise?” Steve asks, voice breaking.

 

“On my Ma’s grave.”

 

Steve pulls away, glaring. “Don’t do that. I don’t like that.” 

 

Bucky shrugs. “You gonna kiss me before we head out or am I gonna have to fight without a good luck kiss?” 

 

Steve’s hands run along Bucky’s kevlar covered back and up to Bucky’s neck, fingers running through the silky strands of his hair. He brings their lips together into a soft, simple kiss. 

 

Bucky smiles into the kiss, tugging Steve’s hips close. He hums, nipping at Steve’s plump bottom lip. 

 

Steve pulls away with a chuckle. “Buck, we’ve got a fight to win.”

 

“There’s my captain,” Bucky cheers. “Guide the way, Stevie.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

“So what’s the plan?” Bucky shouts over the noise.

 

They’re surrounded by Outriders, the nasty aliens charging at them without a second thought. 

 

Steve slices the head off one and guts another with his shield. “We talked about it, Buck! Fight till the fuckers are dead,” he calls over his shoulder as he round-house kicks another Outrider. 

 

Bucky’s machine gun is firing off at a constant pace. His back presses against Steve’s. “Not the one I was talking about, Rogers. Our plan. Our very sensitive, personal plan.” 

 

“I’ve barely had time to think,” Steve says, grabbing one of Bucky’s knives and stabbing an Outrider in the face. He tosses the knife back. 

 

The sergeant grabs it mid-air with his right arm and stabs an Outrider on his left, then on his right. His left is still shooting, blowing their brains out with a single bullet. “Don’t bullshit me, Rogers. You’re always thinking,” Bucky says. 

 

Steve rolls his eyes and pushes his bangs out of his eyes. “Remember that thing we used to do in the war?” 

 

Bucky grunts out his acknowledgment. “You seriously think that’ll work?”

 

“Worth a try!” Steve takes one of the guns off Bucky’s belt and starts to shoot at the Outriders. “Ready baby?” he asks, voice relatively quiet - hidden in the sound of alien growling and the gnashing of teeth. 

 

“Always, dollface.” Bucky runs forward, still firing at the aliens. 

 

Steve has one of his new shields punching at Outriders, the other held at his back, waiting. 

 

Bucky runs forward and jumps about a yard away from Steve. Steve raises his shield with Bucky’s feet and propels the super soldier into the air. He quickly drops to the ground, both shields covering him. Bucky unleashes a spray of bullets from two guns as he flips through the air, yelling at the top of his lungs. 

 

Outriders drop left and right. 

 

Bucky lands a couple of feet away, squashing an Outrider with his boots. “All clear, Rogers,” he calls. 

 

Steve stands to his full height, shields extended on both hands. “Nice work, Sarge. Let’s go,” he says, nodding towards the thicket of Outriders running towards them.

 

“Don’t act like we’re done with that conversation,” Bucky says as he runs alongside Steve. They take out Outriders as they go, shooting and punching respectively. 

 

Steve huffs, blowing at his bangs. “Thinkin’ we get married. Like a real wedding,” Steve says. 

 

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “Like with actual tuxes and flowers and groomsmen?” 

 

“And rings and a priest and all of our family and friends watching,” Steve says, grinning. 

 

“We gonna tell ‘em beforehand or just show up?” 

 

Steve winks at him. “Might give Tony a heart attack, but I think the pay off would be worth it.” 

 

Bucky shakes his head. “You’re such a punk, Rogers.”

 

“Gotta get it from somewhere, ya jerk.” 

 

They start to separate, drifting towards the other side of the battlefield. “Hey,” Bucky calls. “Till the end of the line?”

 

Steve pauses, panting. He grins. “You know I’m always with you till the end of the line.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Steve watches Thor’s ax dig it’s way into Thanos’ chest. 

 

The Titan looks up and in a soft, gravely voice whispers, “You should have gone for the head.” He brings the gauntlet up and snaps his fingers. 

 

And the world goes still.

 

Steve takes a step forward where Thor stands. He’s numb, breathing ragged from his adrenaline. The world feels off, the feeling in his gut growing with each passing second. 

 

“Steve?”   
  


He glances over his shoulder in time to see his world turn to dust. Steve stumbles toward Bucky, reaching out to him as the man evaporates.

 

One by one, his friends, his comrades, his family, turn to dust. 

 

_ Sam.  _

 

_ T’Challa. _

 

_ Groot. _

 

_ Wanda.  _

 

The captain stumbles to the ground, eyes watering and mouth agape. “Oh god,” he whispers as his hand cards through the dust left in his Bucky’s wake. “Oh god,” he cries. 

 

Steve’s fingers grapple at the mound of ash, lip quivering. His gloved hand shifts the dust around, a silver glint catching his eye. 

 

He cups the ash  _ (Bucky) _ in his hand, the dust spilling from his glove. 

 

Steve gasps, his hands tightening around the object. 

 

Tears prickle his eyes.

 

He brings his fist up to his lips, kissing the metal softly. 

 

Captain America stands and wraps the metal chain around his fist. And just like that, Steve and Bucky’s dog tags are reunited. 

 

“Thor, that thing works the Bifrost, right?” 

 

“That is how I arrived,” Thor says.

 

Cap looks to him, a tear spilling down his cheek. “Find Tony. Find Scott. Find Clint. Find every goddamned Avenger you can. Find the raccoon’s friends. Hell, gather as many aliens as you can. I don’t fucking care.” He heaves a heavy breath, jaw twitching beneath his beard. 

 

“Find me anyone who can fix this,” Cap orders.

 

Natasha takes a cautious step forward. “Steve, I’m not sure this can be.”

 

Steve glares at her, eyes aflame with rage and grief. “Then you better believe I’ll die trying to fix this. I haven’t gone gray and I sure as hell haven’t wrinkled, so I ain’t given up on Bucky being alive.” 

 

The captain moves to walk past the Avengers, back to Wakanda.

 

He pauses, at the edge of the little clearing. “C’mon. We have work to do.” 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Steve and Tony worked for a week straight. They came up with theory after theory, reexamined their battles and discussed their mistakes. They talked circles around themselves. 

 

The other survivors were in and out. They helped where they could. They tried to get their leaders to sleep, or at least shower, but Steve and Tony were both adamant about working through it. 

 

Eventually, Thor made them leave the lab. 

 

Steve trudges into his room, Thor behind him. 

 

“Steven, are you okay?” Thor asks as he closes the door behind him.

 

The blond shakes his head as he stares at the picture on his bedside. It’s a sketch he did of himself and Bucky as teens, with Bucky’s elbow using Steve’s head as an armrest. “No,”  he squeaks, eyes watering. He clenches his hand around the dog tags, squeezing as tight as he could. 

 

Thor moves to stand beside him, a comforting hand hovering over his friend’s shoulder. 

 

As soon as he makes contact, Steve crumbles. 

 

Steve falls to his knees, sobs ripping out of his chest as he cries. “It’s not fair,” he sobs. “It’s just not fair!” Steve tugs at his hair, rocking back and forth. 

 

Thor watches in horror as the captain’s facade falls away. 

 

Steve punches at the ground and jumps up. He flips his bed. He throws the dresser to the opposite side, spilling its contents over the room. He punches the walls, leaving gaping holes in the sheetrock. Steve rips apart shelves, breaks lamps and frames, tears the doors right off its hinges.

 

And Thor just watches, stunned. 

 

“It’s not fair!” Steve bellows, voice raw. He tears his pillows to shreds, feathers raining around him. “It’s just not fair,” he sobs, falling to his knees again. 

 

Steve cries into his hands, loud, ugly cries that echo around the room and the compound. 

 

Thor glances at the entrance, where Pepper and Natasha appear with furrowed brows. He shrugs, motioning to the captain. “I don’t know what happened,” he whispers. 

 

“Rogers,” Natasha announces, stalking forward. She kneels beside the crying soldier as the rest of the Avengers huddle around his door. “What’s wrong?”

 

Steve looks up, face red and drenched in tears and snot. “What’s wrong?” he spits. “What’s wrong is I just lost my everything. I just lost my will to fucking live. Don’t act like I’m being irrational for being upset,” he hisses. 

 

Natasha raises a perfectly trimmed eyebrow. “Your will to live?”

 

He rolls his eyes and stands. Steve paces away, kicking at the broken headboard on the floor. “Why is everyone acting like we didn’t lose half the fucking universe?” he demands, glaring at his fellow Avengers. “You guys are sulking and moody, but none of you, except Tony, have done anything to show you’re upset. None of you have- Don’t look at me like I’m in the wrong here!” 

 

Pepper glares at him. “You can be upset. You can grieve. But destroying property is for angsty teenagers who can’t handle their emotions. Not grown ass men like yourself.”

 

Steve turns his icy blue eyes on her. “Oh, fuck off, Potts.” 

 

Tony steps forward, face red. “Watch it, Rogers. You can throw your tantrum or whatever, but don’t come after everyone else.” He shakes his head. “I get your upset about Barnes-”

 

“Upset?” Steve bellows. “I’m fucking hollow!” He beats at his chest. “Don’t you people realize that Bucky and Sam were all I had? They, god, they were my everything and Thanos ripped them from me with the snap of his fingers!” 

 

“Thanos took everyone from us, Cap,” Tony snaps. “You’re not the only one.” 

 

Steve shakes his head, fists still clenched. He turns around and pulls out a leather case. It’s small, about the size of his hand, with a gold latch. Steve flips the lid open and pulls out a cigarette and lighter. He lights it in seconds and leans against the window sill. “‘M not saying I am,” he drawls, voice drained of emotion. 

 

“Can you not smoke in my compound?” Tony quips. 

 

“Tony, pick your battles,” Rhodes calls. 

 

Tony rolls his eyes.

 

Steve takes a drag, eyes fluttering shut with the image of Bucky blowing rings of smoke into their apartment. He’s laying in their bed, shirtless and hair covering half of his face with the sheets covering his lap haphazardly. It’s messy, it’s lazy, it’s  _ heaven _ . If he thinks hard enough, he can feel Bucky kissing him softly, the taste of tobacco on his lips. 

 

He opens his eyes to the open field outside his window. “I’m a mess, Buck,” he whispers, the smoke flowing from his lips. 

 

Steve sits on the upturned bed frame, cigarette hanging from his lips. He’s still crying, the tears splashing onto his lap every few seconds. 

 

“What’s even happening,” he hears Rocket ask.

 

“Pretty sure Cap just went insane,” Tony mumbles. 

 

“Poor thing hasn’t slept in a week and a half, he’s lost both of his best friends, and he’s been working his ass off to reverse the snap,” Pepper whispers. “I think it’s understandable,” she sighs.

 

Natasha makes her way through the wreckage of Steve’s room and kneels in front of him. “We can talk about this tomorrow. Steve, you need to sleep, shower, and eat. You want to try and get them back, then you need to be at your best. This isn’t it.” 

 

Steve nods, taking another drag. “I can’t live without him.” 

 

“You have before,” Natasha says.

 

“That wasn’t living,” Steve grumbles. 

 

The Avengers shift in their place. “Steve, what do you mean by that?” Thor asks, crossing his arms.

 

Steve chuckles, a harsh, bitter, wet chuckle. “Before I crossed paths with Sam and met Bucky, that wasn’t living. That was me existing at the bare minimum, not that you guys would have known. We weren’t all that close,” he mumbles. 

 

Natasha rests a hand on Steve’s knee. “You need to get out of your uniform, Steve. You haven’t changed in nearly two weeks. It’s gross.” 

 

He shrugs. “And the point is?” 

 

She rolls her eyes and starts to untie his boots. “Someone start a hot shower as hot as you can stand it.” 

 

Steve blows a ring of smoke into the air. He watches it, eyes dazed and droopy. 

 

He lets Natasha tug off his dusty, gross boots. 

 

She peels off his socks and gasps, a little breathy intake of air that causes the whole room to freeze.

 

Tony’s bloodshot eyes widen. “Rogers, is that a tattoo?” 

 

Steve glances down at his foot and ankle, where the markings of Bucky’s dog tags and ring wraps around his appendage. He nods, taking another draw from his cigarette. 

 

Natasha runs her fingers over it hesitantly, nails lingering on Bucky’s name and serial number. “You got Barnes’ information tattooed on your ankle?” 

 

The captain nods as he takes his foot back and stands. He shrugs out of his jacket, revealing his undershirt and chest plate. He lets his fist loosen, the dog tags clanking as the dropped in his hand, the chain still wrapped around his palm. “Used to stick it in my boot on missions. Kicked about a dozen Nazi’s skulls in with that foot. ‘S what they deserved after they killed my Bucky. Had it on me when I froze. Had it on me when I thawed out. Kept it on me until Bucky returned. Figured he’d want ‘em back eventually, so I made other arrangements,” Steve explains robotically around his cigarette. 

 

Tony shakes his head. “I’ll never understand what your deal is with Barnes. How can you just blindly follow him like that?”

 

Steve glares at Tony. “I’d follow him into the gates of Hell and he’d do the same. We’re together till the end of the line.” 

 

Steve walked into his bathroom, where Pepper had started a hot shower, with the slam of a door. 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Steve cries himself to sleep every night, hugging Bucky’s pillow close to his chest. 

 

He visits their grave site and spends hours tending to his mother, Bucky’s, his own, and all of the Barnes’ graves. He talks to them. Tells them all of the people he lost, like Sam, Daisy, T’Challa, Wanda, Darlene, and oh so many more. Lets them know how the world’s been sent to chaos, with everyone grieving. How there are not even bodies to bury, just dust and ash in the wake of the dead. 

 

He mostly talks to his Ma. It’s too hard to talk to Bucky knowing there’s nothing there. 

 

Sometimes he falls asleep leaning against his mother’s tombstone. 

 

He doesn’t sketch. He doesn’t paint.  

 

Steve’s just numb, void of all feelings and emotions. 

 

2019

 

Months passed. 

 

Steve and Tony spent every day working together, feuds long forgotten. Thor helps as much as he can, so does Bruce and Rhodes. Everyone pitches in when they can. 

 

It’s not until Steve’s taking one of his three daily jogs around the compound that it hits him. 

 

He’s going through everything that happened leading up to the sidelines. The first invasion, Edinburgh, Tony and Strange dealing with the Guardians, Steve and the Rogues in Wakanda, Thor and Stormbreaker, the final Battle of Wakanda. It’s replaying in his head, each action, each battle, everything. 

 

And then it hits him.

 

“Wong!” He shouts, eyes wide and skin drenched in sweat. 

 

Steve sprints back to the compound, bursting through the doors. He barrels through the hallways, coming to a halt in the common room. Tony, Thor, Nebula, and Rocket are sipping coffee on the couches, the  _ Looney Toons Show _ playing softly on the TV. “We need Wong,” Steve pants, hands on his hips. “He and Strange told you about the stones, to begin with, Stark. What if he knows what happened? What if he can reverse it?”

 

Tony gasps, standing up. His coffee crashes to the floor, shards of ceramic splintering across the floor. “Oh my god, Rogers. That’s it!”

 

Thor stands, too, grinning. “I know where the Sanctum Sanctorum is. I’ll go with you.” 

 

“If Thor’s going, I want in,” Rocket says. 

 

Steve grins. “Then suit up.” 

 

~*~*~*~

 

They end up in the library of the Sanctorum, pouring over magic books. It’s mostly Wong, with Tony and Thor helping out a little bit. 

 

“In theory, if we figured out a way to create a portal to another dimension, is there a way we could get into that dimension?” Steve asks, pacing in front of the table they were reading at.

 

Wong nods, flipping through a book. “If the soul stone really does have a dimension within itself, then yes, it’d be likely.”

 

Steve glances at Tony. “Is it possible to make something to jump through dimensions?” 

 

Tony scratches at his head. “Maybe? I’ll need to research it. I’m not sure our science is advanced enough for that.” 

 

“But Wakanda’s is. I’m sure Shuri and Bruce could work with you and figure out a way to get them back.” Steve turns the chair around and straddles the seat. “C’mon, Tony, we gotta try this,” he pleads.

 

Tony glances at Thor and Wong. “You two really think this may work? I’m all up for the challenge, but I can’t toy with my own emotions like this.” 

 

“I’ve heard legends about the soul stone’s victims living within it,” Thor says, voice rumbling through the air. 

 

Steve, with his big pleading eyes, looks to Tony. “Tony, do it for Peter.” 

 

Tony sighs. “Call Natasha, get the quinjet ready.” 

 

~*~*~*~

 

“I hope this works,” Bruce says, fiddling with the controls.

 

“It will,” Shuri says.

 

Tony raises an eyebrow. “How do you know?”

 

She grins. “I made it, didn’t I?”

 

Steve runs a hand over his beard. “Start it up. Thor, are you ready?” 

 

Thor spins Stormbreaker in his hands, the axe twirling beside him. “Bring it on.” 

 

“Cap, you want to go over it one more time?” Clint asks, adjusting his bow. Rocket nods beside him, grumbling something about not understanding Cap’s accent.

 

Steve nods and turns to look at the remaining Avengers. “Once the portal opens, Thor, Tony, and I check it out. We give the all clear and we work like hell to free our people.”

 

“How are we supposed to fit half of the universe in Wakanda?” Natasha asks. 

 

Steve sighs. “We don’t. We get our people and come home. It’s selfish, it’s awful, but with our team back together we might be able to figure out a way to reverse the snap,” he says. 

 

Rocket shrugs. “I’m all for being a selfish asshole. When do we start?”

 

The captain turns to Shuri and Bruce. “You two ready?”

 

They nodded. 

 

“Thor? Wong?”

 

They nodded. 

 

Steve cracks his neck and braces his shield in front of him. “Tony, when you’re ready.” 

 

The Iron Man suit clinks as it appears beside Thor and Steve. “Banner, hit it.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

“How long have we been in here?” Peter Parker asks, pacing in the middle of their little circle of Avengers and Guardians. 

 

Quill huffs. “Too long.” 

 

“Do you think Mr. Stark will find us?” Peter asks, fiddling with his now empty web shooters.

 

Dr. Strange sighs. “There’s a chance, but it’s hard to tell,” he says. 

 

“Don’t get the kid’s hopes up, Strange. You know Stark cares about you, pal, and he’ll try his damnedest to get to you, but you can’t get your hopes up,” Bucky says. 

 

“I am Groot,” Groot asks 

 

Drax nods, pointing at Groot. “He’s right. How can you be sure Stark is looking for us?”

 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Cause Tony’s a hell of a lot like a better version of Howard and Howard Stark never gave up on Steve and I. He spent years looking for us.  _ Years _ .” 

 

T’Challa raises an eyebrow. “Were you not the one to kill Howard Stark?” 

 

Sam steps in between Bucky and the group. “Now hang on, that wasn’t Barnes. That was the Winter Soldier and we’re not about to hash that out right here.” He turns to Bucky, with a tired smile. “C’mon, let’s take a walk.”

 

The veterans walk away from the group, hands in their pockets and heads tucked down. “We ain’t ever gettin’ out,” Bucky sighs once they’re a good distance from the Avengers. 

 

Sam shakes his head. “I don’t even want to think about what’s going down back home.”

 

Bucky lets out a shaky breath. “Steve’s probably gone insane.”

 

“And they probably haven’t noticed,” Sam snaps.

 

“Dammit,” Bucky curses. “You’re right. They’re fucking assholes who don’t know shit about Stevie.” 

 

Sam pats Bucky’s back. “Trust me, it pisses me off too.” 

 

Bucky shakes his head, blinking quickly. “I just don’t get it. I just don’t.” He balls his fist up and takes in a deep breath. “They ain’t takin’ care of my baby.”

 

Sam squeezes Bucky’s shoulder.

 

“I can’t believe I left him,” Bucky whispers.

 

Sam pulls Bucky into a tight hug. “We’ve been through this, Barnes. You didn’t leave him. We got dusted or something. It wasn’t by choice. Don’t beat yourself up for this.” 

 

Bucky holds onto Sam for dear life. “Steve’s been through so much,” he whimpers. “He doesn’t deserve this.”

 

“No, he doesn’t.” 

 

The air around them shifts, turning cool. There’s a loud banging coming from one of… wherever they are. 

 

The soldiers pull away and jog back to the group. “The hell is that?” Sam asks.

 

“It appears to be something hitting the wall,” Mantis announces. 

 

A familiar blue lightning bursts from the opposite end of the soul stone. 

 

Wanda gasps. 

 

Parker squeals. 

 

Groot perks up. 

 

“I’ll be damned,” Bucky laughs. He glances at Sam and grins. “Think he can get in?”

 

Sam nods. “He’s the god of thunder. I think he’ll do just fine.”

 

And just like that, Thor smashes through the barrier and into the soul stone. 

 

The Iron Man suit zooms past him, landing in front of Peter. Tony quickly steps out. “You ever turn to dust on me again, Peter, and I’ll end you,” he hisses, voice thick with tears. 

 

Peter burst into his own and launches himself at his mentor, sobbing into the man’s chest. 

 

Thor leads the other Avengers into the soul stone. 

 

Okoye and Shuri rush to greet T’Challa. 

 

Rocket tries to casually return to the Guardians, but Groot picks him up and squeezes him tight anyway. Rocket doesn’t seem to mind. 

 

And then there’s Steve. 

 

Bucky stumbles forward, eyes locked on those baby blues he knows so well.

 

Steve’s crying, big tears rolling down his face. 

 

Sam rolls his eyes. “Get your ass over there.” 

 

Steve starts to walk closer, his feet picking up speed as his smile grew. 

 

Bucky pauses, eyes still locked on Steve’s. There’s something there mixed in with the love and grief Steve’s filled with. Something that makes Bucky’s heart hammer away. 

 

Something that makes his toes curl. 

 

Something that makes his cheeks blush.

 

Something that makes his stomach do flips. 

 

Steve’s full-on sprinting across the expanse of the soul stone. He nearly pushes Tony and Peter aside, slowing down as he reaches the circle of people. 

 

He’s so close. He’s right there. Steve is  _ right there. _

 

Bucky takes a step forward and grins, his own tears prickling at his eyes. “Steve,” he says breathlessly, the wind knocked out of him from just Steve’s smile alone.

 

Steve’s close enough to touch. 

 

They stand there, a foot apart from one another and surrounded by all of their friends and family. 

 

Bucky watches as Steve’s eyes flicker over his body, checking for any and all signs of injuries. 

 

“Bucky,” Steve says, just as breathless, just as soft. 

 

And without a second of hesitation, Steve springs forward.

 

The world slows down and all Bucky can see is Steve. All there is in this world is Steve. Steve. Steve. 

 

Steve.

 

_ Steve.  _

 

His hands move to caress Bucky’s cheeks, palms scraped from the scruff lining the brunet’s jaw. 

 

Steve’s lips press against his own. It’s rough and passionate and everything Bucky’s needed for so fucking long. 

 

Bucky whimpers, his eyes fluttering shut. His mismatched arms pull Steve in close.

 

They fall into one another. 

 

“Bucky,” Steve moans quietly. His lips brush Bucky’s still, breath mingling in the space between them. 

 

“Steve,” Bucky sighs. He tips his head forward again, capturing Steve’s lips between his. 

 

Their tears spill into their kiss, but they don’t care. They don’t care. For once in their lives, they don’t  _ care.  _

 

It’s just them. 

 

It’s just them. 

 

It’s finally, for once, just them.

 

Steve’s hands move to wrap around Bucky’s middle. Bucky’s move to tug at the blond’s hair. 

 

And they’re crying.

  
And laughing.

  
But none of it matters because they have each other. 

 

Steve pulls away and holds Bucky’s face in his hands again. “If I ever lose you again, James Buchanan, you best believe I’m coming after you with that good ol’ Irish rage my Ma had,” he whispers. 

 

Bucky laughs and sniffles. “Wouldn’t expect anything less, doll. You come after me all the time,” he says.

 

Steve lets out a good belly laugh. 

 

It’s melodic and makes Bucky’s chest feel all warm and fuzzy. Makes him feel so good that he just has to steal it with a kiss. 

  
And he does, because he  _ can _ . 

 

“I love you,” Steve breathes against Bucky’s lips. “I love you so goddamn much, Bucky.”

 

Bucky hums. “I love you, too. More than you’ll ever know.” 

 

Steve’s hand drifts into his own pocket and tugs out Bucky’s dog tags, his lips still pressed against Bucky’s. He pulls away and puts the tags back around Bucky’s neck. Steve lays a hand over the tags and on Bucky’s chest. “There,” he sighs, “back where they should be.”

 

Bucky steals one last kiss before he pulls away. He takes a step back and turns to a grinning Sam. 

 

“Sam,” Steve says, grinning. 

 

“Don’t expect a hello like that from me,” Sam warns as he takes a step forward, his arms already opening. 

 

Steve rolls his eyes and falls into Sam’s arms, hugging the man close.

 

“I’m sorry,” Tony cuts in. 

 

Steve pulls away and blushes. It finally sinks in. 

 

Everyone was watching. 

 

He glances around, panic settling in his chest. His breathing picks up, his eyes wide.

 

Sam presses a hand on the nape of Steve’s neck and Bucky takes Steve’s hand in his. 

 

They’re staring at them, skin pale and faces slack. 

 

Bucky and Sam share a glance. Steve’s blushing skin is slowly turning green, giving the Hulk a run for his money.

 

Tony’s looking at them with pure horror on his face. “What the fuck?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU GUYS. 
> 
> IT HAPPENED. It only took three years bUT IT HAPPENED.
> 
> CELEBRATE WITH ME!


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unedited.

2019

 

Tony looks between the three of them, eyes wide and face pale. “No, seriously, what the  _ fuck _ ?” 

 

“You gotta problem, Stark?” Sam asks, crossing his arms. 

 

Bucky levels Tony with his Murder Glare. “I dare you-” 

 

Steve’s head spun. Everyone’s staring. They’re watching.

 

They know. 

 

Fuck.

 

Steve’s breathing picked up, crescendoing as he watches Bucky and Tony snip at each other. He can feel everyone watching, their eyes burning into his skull. 

 

He squeezes his eyes shut. 

 

And suddenly he was back in that damned dressing room facing Senator Brandt.

 

And watching those men in the street that horrible night. 

 

And listening to George Barnes talk about how their neighbor was arrested for sodomy charges.

 

Or killed. 

 

Or both. 

 

How they deserved it. 

 

How they’ll rot in hell for it. 

 

He can’t lose Bucky again. He’ll give up his job, his life, everything, but he can’t lose Bucky again. He can’t lose Bucky again. Not again. 

 

Oh god, Tony’s gonna kill them. He’ll tell the world and then they’ll be put in prison, given drugs and conversion therapy to try and stop the evil thoughts and feelings, and get manhandled and raped by other prisoners because they “like it like that.”

 

Everyone’s staring at them. They’re leering at him, unsure as to what the hell is going on and disgusted. 

 

They all hate them. 

 

Steve’s heart is in his throat, pounding so hard he can barely hear over it. His chest is constricting, a tight pressure smack dab in the middle of all of this and willing him to die. 

 

Steve grabs Bucky’s hand and bolts out of the soul stone, leaving everyone behind him. He has to get Bucky somewhere safe, away from everything. They can’t be around people, they can’t lose anyone else. 

 

Bucky’s calling Steve’s name. He can hear him, but not really. He just needs to get somewhere safe. Somewhere safe and secluded.

 

He drags Bucky through the hallways of the soul stone and back into Shuri’s lab. He’s heading for the door when Bucky stops and pulls Steve into his arms. 

 

It takes two seconds before Steve’s sobbing into the man’s chest, clutching his vest so hard in his hands that the material rips at the seams. 

 

“Stevie, baby, I got you,” Bucky whispers, trying to keep Steve standing, but the captain’s knees are weak and threatening to send the man to the ground. “Oh Stevie,” Bucky says, cradling the back of Steve’s head in his metal hand. “What’s going on?” 

 

They fall to the floor, Steve practically in Bucky’s lap. 

 

Steve’s crying so hard that he doesn’t hear the guards enter the room. He doesn’t hear the Avengers and the Guardians return from the soul stone. 

 

All he hears is Bucky whispering in his ear those sweet nothings they tell each other after a particularly hard night of nightmares and anxiety attacks. 

 

“Talk to me, Stevie,” Bucky says, running his hand through Steve’s hair. 

 

Steve whimpers, eyes squeezing shut as he hides in Bucky’s chest. “I’m a fucking idiot, Buck.”

 

Bucky shushes him. “Don’t talk like that, doll. You’re not an idiot-”

 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you in front of everyone. Now we’re gonna get arrested or murdered and our friends will hate us and god dammit, I should have just let Brandt-”

 

“Don’t you dare say that bastard’s name, Steve,” Bucky snaps, pulling Steve away so he can glare down at him. “He doesn’t deserve to be immortalized in your memory.” 

 

Steve sniffles, still crying and breathing pretty hard. “I just can’t lose you, Buck. I don’t want to see you get dismissed from the Winter Soldier trials only to be sent to prison for life because you love me. I don’t want to see you get tortured because you can’t stop having feelings for me. I don’t want to see the world turn on us because we happen to be in love. I don’t want to worry that if you’re not in the room with me, someone will kill you because of our relationship. I can’t-” Steve can’t talk anymore. He hides in the crook of Bucky’s neck and cries. 

 

Sam shakes his head, his eyes falling shut. He’s turned around, back to the crying soldiers, and facing the other Avengers. Steve doesn’t need to feel more humiliation. 

 

“They can’t take you away from me,” Steve starts saying. “They can’t rip us apart. Not again. Not again. Not again,” he repeats over and over again. 

 

“Why would we take Barnes away from him?” Tony demands, crossing his arms. 

 

Sam glares at him. “You do realize they grew up in a society where homosexuality was criminalized and they often faced death. You don’t just offer that information up when you’ve got that in the back of your mind.” 

 

Tony rolls his eyes. “Oh please, Steve isn’t that dense. He’s the homophobic one, not us.” 

 

Bucky turns his head and the Winter Soldier glares at him. “Watch what you say, Stark. You don’t know the whole story.” 

 

“Oh, I know. It’s hard to know what the fuck is going on when no one's saying a word. So if someone wants to give us some information, then that’d be fucking brilliant. But then again, Steve refuses to give me any information about anything important.” Tony glares back at Bucky, venom in his tone. “He knew that Barnes murdered my folks and refused me to tell me because he wanted to ‘protect’ me. Rogers doesn’t trust us, obviously.” 

 

Steve’s still mumbling to Bucky, but his crying has grown silent. 

 

Sam steps in front of Tony. “I get that Steve fucked you up with that shit, but you don’t get to make him the bad guy this go around.”

 

Tony scoffs. “So you’re making me the bad guy?”

 

“No one’s the bad guy here,” Sam says, voice rising a little. He pinches the bridge of his nose and glances towards the soldiers. “Look. These two have been through enough. Can we give them some space?”

 

Tony shakes his head. “I’m not leaving until I get answers. We’re not doing this again.” 

 

Steve pulls away from Bucky, head down and not meeting anyone’s eyes. “You want to talk? Then we’ll talk.”

 

Bucky heaves himself up. “Steve, we don’t owe him anything-”

 

“You don’t owe me anything? Fuck that, Barnes. You’d be in prison right now if I decided to press charges.” Steve’s face pales, breathing picking right back up. Tony continues, “You owe me everything.”

 

Tony pushes past them. “I don’t even want to see you two right now.” 

 

“Mr. Stark,” Peter tries, but the billionaire is already out the door. Peter looks to Steve,  _ Captain America _ , who still has tears in his eyes and looks out of place in the uniform. He’s not what Peter expected from the man, but he’s so much more. 

 

The other Avengers start to awkwardly leave the lab, murmuring something about getting food and discussing how to reverse the effects of the snap. 

 

Peter glances between the captain and the door. He bites his lip and takes a deep breath, feet already moving towards the door. On his way, however, he stops and throws his arms around the captain.

 

Steve gasps, his flushed face shocked and cautious as he looks down at the teenager. “Peter-” 

 

He burrows his face in the man’s chest. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m proud of you, Mr. Captain, sir.” Peter squeezes Steve once more, lets go, and rushes out the door, leaving Steve, Sam, and Bucky in shock. 

 

~*~*~*~

 

The effects of the snap were reversed when Gamora was released. People were popping up everywhere, at their last known locations. It was bittersweet, unlike the original event when the snap had only been a tragedy, the return of half the universe was troublesome. People were popping up in streets, in mid air, on rollercoasters, and many other problematic places. The Avengers didn’t have time to talk about the nature of Steve and Bucky’s relationship, they were too busy helping stop countless tragedies from occuring.

 

Bucky takes a drag from his cigarette. “Stevie, relax,” he says from his spot on the bed. 

 

Steve’s pacing, biting at his thumb. “I can’t, Buck. Natasha is making us all sit down and talk in like half an hour and I don’t know what to do.” 

 

“We’ll tell them the truth,” Bucky says.

 

“How are you so calm about this?” Steve throws his hands in the air before placing them both on his hips. 

 

Bucky flicks his cigarette into a small bowl. “Because this is just another roadblock. We’ve gone through this before and we’re old as fuck, Steve. I don’t care what anyone else thinks at this point.” He climbs off the bed and moves to take Steve’s face in his hands. “It helps that we’re in a more accepting time.”

 

Steve nods, leaning into the other man’s touch. “Why can’t I move on from hiding?” 

 

“Because it’s hard to ignore how you were raised. Hard, but not impossible,” Bucky mumbles around the cigarette. 

 

Steve takes it from Bucky’s lips and takes a drag for himself. “Why do we have to be controversial anyway? We’re just people,” he sighs. 

 

Bucky presses a kiss to Steve’s forehead and pushes a hand through Steve’s hair. “I dunno, babydoll,” he says. He takes the cigarette back and puts it out on the nearby ashtray. 

 

“I’m just tired, Buck. I’m tired of having to justify us. Why can’t they be like Daisy? She was so easy to calm down when she found out,” Steve whines, hiding in Bucky’s neck. 

 

“She was also a kid who didn’t know better. She didn’t even know about what makes us wrong or right. Kid, just knew we were happy and that it had to be a secret.” Bucky rubs Steve’s back. “Speaking of which, we need to visit her once all this is over.” 

 

Steve chuckles. “She’s going to kill us eventually, with everything we put her through.” 

 

Bucky shrugs. “She doesn’t care as long as we’re happy.” 

 

Thor’s voice carries from the living room, his boisterous laugh echoing down the halls. 

 

“Guess it’s showtime,” Steve sighs, pulling away from Bucky.

 

Bucky pats his shoulder with a soft smile. “Worst case scenario, we go back to the apartment and retire. Maybe start on that family we always talked about?”

 

Steve pauses near the door, jaw a slack and his eyebrows raised. The corner of his mouth perks up and the tension from his shoulders falls. “Really?”

 

“Maybe. We’ll talk about it, aight?” Bucky says, motioning for Steve to move. “Now’s not the time. Move it, Cap.”

 

Steve throws a lazily salute his way as he slips out the door. 

 

The Avengers are gathered around the living room. Thor and Bruce are laughing happily at the bar, Natasha and Clint are draped over each other on the loveseat as they play on their phones, Peter and Sam are playing some video game on one of the consoles, and Wanda and Vision are in the neighboring kitchen, clanging around. Tony was the only one who seemed out of place as he paces around the coffee table, talking on the phone. 

 

Bucky and Steve wander into the room and everything stops; phones are placed down, games are paused, conversations are halted. “Morning,” Steve says, leaning against the doorframe. 

 

Tony mumbles a goodbye and shoves his phone into a suit pocket. “Seriously? That’s all you have to say?” 

 

Steve crosses his arms. “I’m still standing here, Tony. It’s not like I walked out the room. Did you want me to bust in and declare my love for Bucky without any greetings?” He points back to the hallway. “Cause I can go back and start over if you need me to.” 

 

“Fuck you, Rogers.”

 

Bucky shrugs. “Sorry, that’s my job.”

 

Tony grimaces. “That’s disgusting,” he mumbles.

 

Steve glares at him. “Are we doing this or what?” 

 

Tony motions to the empty couch. “Take a seat. Let’s talk.” 

 

The Avengers gather around the living room, crowding around the coffee table. The air is tense, every movement and breath emphasized by the unspoken tension between Tony and the super soldiers. 

 

Steve crosses his legs and leans back into the couch. He glances to Bucky. “Like the Commandos?” 

 

Bucky nods, frowning a little. “Yeah, that’s probably the best plan of action.”

 

“Okay,” Steve sighs. “You guys can ask whatever you want and then we’ll give you an honest answer. You cross a line, we walk. Got it?” 

 

Tony’s brow furrows. “How come you two are calling the shots? This is my-  _ our _ interrogation.” 

 

Steve raises an eyebrow. “Because this is  _ our _ life we’re talking about. We get to decide how it’s done.” 

 

“You two are the ones who decided to make out in the middle of another dimension,” Tony accuses. 

 

Bucky leans forward, glaring. “You’re going to want to watch your tone, Stark.”

 

Tony glares right back. “Are you threatening me-”

 

Sam whistles, looking between Tony and Bucky. “Knock it off. If you don’t plan on talking, then we can all get out of whatever this is.” 

 

Natasha nods. “He’s right. Can’t exactly solve anything with you two at each other's throats.”

 

Tony rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. “Fine. What the hell is going on between you two?” 

 

Steve takes Bucky’s flesh hand in his own and squeezes it. “We’re together. Dating. A couple. Whatever you want to call it.” 

 

“For how long?” Bruce asks, his voice soft and calming compared to Tony’s sharp tone. 

 

Bucky scratches at his head. “Depends on when we’re talking about us starting.”  

 

“Officially,” Steve says, “we started dating June 24th, 1935.”

 

“But then we broke up in 41, right?” Bucky mumbles.

 

Steve glares at him. “Yeah, the night I signed up for the army and the day before you got shipped out.”

 

“What happened?” Peter asks with wide, awe-filled eyes. 

 

“This dummy decided to be an asshole and break up with me so that I could move on in case he didn’t make it back out,” Steve grumbles. “I’m still a little bitter about it,” he admits.

 

Bucky rubs Steve’s back. “It’s not like we stayed apart for long-”

 

“That was the longest year of my life,” Steve says.

 

“Shut up, I did what I thought was best. It’s not my fault I fucked up my head,” Bucky chuckles.

 

Steve’s eyes turn dark. “We’re not talking about that,” he says quietly. 

 

Clint raises an eyebrow. “Are we still talking about before Hydra tortured Bucky or…?”

 

Bucky shrugs. “I had a few years of partying before I got shipped out.” He points to Peter and says in a soft tone, “Stay away from drugs, kid. Ain’t worth it.”

 

Peter’s eyebrows shoot up. “Whoa, you did drugs in the forties? I thought that was something new.”

 

Steve shakes his head. “Cocaine was pretty popular in New York in the thirties. You gotta remember, Prohibition was in the twenties and early thirties. So without any booze, people turned to the hard stuff.” He glares at Bucky. “Including this idiot.” He knocks shoulders with Bucky.

 

Bucky shrugs. “As I said, don’t do it.” 

 

“Anyway,” Steve sighs. “We got back together in ‘44 and Bucky fell in early ‘45.” 

 

“Then after everything happened with the Sokovia Accords,” Bucky continues, “we got back together a few months before the snap.” 

 

“So really, we’ve been together for about eighty-five years,” Steve says.

 

Bruce takes off his glasses and rubs at his face. “Wow, that’s…”

 

“That’s some Nicholas Sparks shit,” Clint mumbled. 

 

Steve raises an eyebrow. 

 

Sam snickers. “He’s an author who writes really sappy love stories,” he explains. 

 

“Oh,” Steve says with a blush. “Yeah, I guess it is.” 

 

Tony glares at them. “If you two are such a happy couple and all, why’d you hide from us, Steve? We’re supposed to be a family and you’re hiding this huge secret.” 

 

Steve crosses his arms, matching Tony’s defensive posture. “First of all, you need to quit thinking about yourself, Stark. You really think I wanted to hide this?” he motions between him and Bucky. “No, I didn’t. All I’ve ever wanted is to be able to walk down the street with Bucky’s hand in mine. But it’s not easy to just flip that switch.” 

 

“Oh, so you just decided to act like some asshole? Calling people slurs and making everyone think you’re just another old school homophobe?” Tony tilts his head. 

 

“Well considering the fact I’ve nearly lost my life over this, yeah. I did,” Steve snaps. 

 

Natasha’s brow furrows. “What are you talking about, Steve?”

 

Steve sighs and shakes his head. “There was a senator who helped fund Project Rebirth. When the army wouldn’t take me after Erskine died, Brandt took me in.” 

 

Bucky scowls at the mention of the man’s name.

 

Steve rubs at Bucky’s back. “He made me Captain America, had me selling bonds and promoting the war. And when I saved Bucky and his men, I was still contracted to be the same actor and do the propaganda stuff. We were in New York for a week to film one of those god-awful movies Barton’s obsessed with-”

 

“Hey!” Clint gasps, “Those are classics.”

 

“They’re atrocious,” Steve says with a small smile. “Anyway, one of his guys heard one of mine talking to Bucky about his feelings for me. Brandt ended up threatening us both after a scuffle.”

 

“A scuffle?” Bucky laughs, sharp and humorless. “You nearly punched his skull in, Stevie. I ain’t ever seen you so mad. I’m pretty sure you would have killed him,” Bucky mumbles the last part. 

 

The air stills around them.

 

“You almost killed someone?” Peter asks, biting at his lip. 

 

Steve gives him a tight smile. “I’m a soldier, Peter. I killed a lot of people in the war. I tried not to, but I did what I had to do. And I don’t take Bucky’s safety lightly.” He glances at Tony, who won’t meet his eye. Steve clears his throat. “But yes, Senator Brandt threatened to have us arrested for sodomy charges and,” he takes a deep breath, “he privately threatened to have me killed once we were in prison if I didn’t go along with his plans.”

 

Bucky’s brow furrows. “I didn’t know that,” he says softly.

 

“Didn’t want to scare you,” Steve mumbles. 

 

Bucky kisses Steve’s hand. “Ain’t nothing gonna scare me, Stevie.”

 

Steve gives him a tight smile. “Yeah, I know.” 

 

“What are sodomy charges?” Peter asks.

 

Steve blushes. “Um, that’s basically saying they can arrest us for being homosexuals.” 

 

Peter’s brow furrows. “They can?”

 

“They could,” Steve sighs. “It’s pretty common in a bunch of countries. But it was really common when we were growing up.”

 

Bucky sighs, resting his hand on Steve’s knee. “Legally the government could only arrest us, but it wasn’t uncommon for queers to be killed back then. Stevie and I even saw a couple of guys-”

 

“He doesn’t need to hear that, Buck,” Steve says, a hand shooting out to stop him.

 

Sam shakes his head. “The clean version is that when they were teenagers, they saw some guys beat a couple of men to death.” 

 

Bruce lets out a shaky breath. “How old were you?”

 

“Twelve and thirteen,” Steve says in a heavy tone.

 

Tony shakes his head, hiding behind his fist. He glances to Steve a few times but doesn’t say anything. 

 

Thor speaks up with a small, “Which is why you kept your love a secret.” 

 

Bucky nods. “Exactly. We weren’t able to tell anyone about our relationship or act in public. Thankfully gay bars were a thing and we lived in a somewhat gay neighborhood.” 

 

Steve smiles softly. “We had a lot of amazing neighbors who either were or didn’t have a problem with it. That was as close as we’ve ever come to being accepted, other than the Commandos.”

 

“I wonder what happened to Mark and Victor,” Bucky mumbles.

 

Steve shrugs. “I tried to find them or at least figure out what happened to them when they passed, but they didn’t have any family around or friends that I knew of.” 

 

“Wait,” Tony asks, “the Commandos knew?”

 

“And Howard and Peggy,” Steve says.

 

“So you told a bunch of people in the forties about your secret relationship at a time when it was  _ illegal _ to be gay, but wouldn’t even tell us, your teammates that you’ve known for nearly a decade in a time where gay rights are not only accepted but celebrated?” Tony demands. 

 

Steve rubs at his neck. “It’s not that simple-”

 

Tony shakes his head and stands up. “No, Steve, it really is. I could maybe understand being weary of telling us if we didn’t talk about it. But we have. You made an ass of yourself several times when we’ve brought it up, privately  _ and _ to an actual gay person - who still thinks of you as some bigoted asshole from the forties by the way.” He starts to pace, hands moving with his steps. “This is the second time you’ve lied directly to my face about something like this-”

 

“I never lied to your face about what happened to your parents, Stark. I lied by omission, I’ll admit, but  _ never _ did I tell you I knew what really happened,” Steve nearly barks as, jumping to his feet. 

 

He moves to stand before Tony, the other Avengers to his back. “And yeah, I did lie about my sexuality, but you need to get it through your head that I did it because I felt like I had to. What happened with Tristan was a mistake. No one brought me up to speed about gay rights. Here I was, some kid who just came out of World War fucking two, the same kid who still thought it was dangerous to even look at a guy for too long, being told about all these new terms and revolutions at what I thought was supposed to be a lunch meeting. And I wish with everything in me that I could explain to him what I really feel, but I can’t.”

 

Steve steps forward, his nose nearly touching Tony’s. “Not because it’s taboo or unnatural, but because every time I’m in the same room with Buck, I’m waiting for someone to ambush us. Every time we’re holding hands in the privacy of our own bedroom, I always feel like there’s a sniper nearby waiting for the perfect shot. Every time I even  _ think _ about us being together, I can feel that presence just waiting to jump into action if I show any signs of being a homosexual. I can’t,” Steve takes a ragged breath as tears pool in his eyes. “I had to wait to tell my own goddamn mother until she was on her fucking death bed because I didn’t want her to never know. Bucky’s parents died not knowing about us and so did his siblings, except for Daisy. I had to like to every goddamn person I met because if they really knew who I was, they’d disown me. They’d send me to camps. They’d drug me and experiment on me in the name of God. How the fuck am I supposed to tell you when we’re barely friends?” Steve’s screaming, his voice cracking as cries. 

 

Bucky moves to stand behind Steve. “Hey, breathe for me doll,” he whispers. 

 

He does, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. Steve opens them, the fire still burning but not as fierce. It’s calmer, almost subdued. “I’ve been through hell, Tony. Literal hell. All I want to do is live a quiet life with Bucky. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. But you of all people should know how hard it is to ignore how you were raised.”

 

“The hell does that mean?” Tony snaps.

 

Steve raises an eyebrow, hands on his hips. “You’re telling me that Howard’s terrible parenting doesn’t affect you today? That you don’t hear him making snide remarks about your skills or how you’re acting? Because that’s what coming out is like for me. I know you with everything in me that you guys,” he glances around to the Avengers, “would accept me for me. Or I hope. But I still hear Bucky’s dad celebrating about our neighbors getting arrested. Or the grocer talking about how the last thing we needed was more fags. Or my priest telling me I’ll burn in hell because I can’t control the feelings for my best friend,” he roars. 

 

He takes a step back, tugging Bucky back to the couch as the air shifts around the like water. They sit on the couch, shoulder to shoulder as Steve takes a deep, shaky breath. 

 

Tony sits on the arm of a chair. “Steve-”

 

“Don’t,” Steve says. “Just… I can’t keep fighting you about this shit, Stark. I can’t. We go through this over and over again only to end up never talking to each other. For the sake of our own sanity, for the Avengers, we need to settle this once and for all.” 

 

“Steve-”

 

“I know what I did was shitty. I get it. But-”

 

“Shut up, Rogers!” Tony snaps. 

 

Steve’s head shoots up, face contorted in shock and confusion. “What?”

 

Tony sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can we talk alone? Without an audience?” 

 

Steve glances at Bucky, nodding slowly. “Sure.”

 

They walk out of the living room and into the kitchen, where Tony pours them both a shot of liquor. They take their shots and pause, not meeting one another’s gaze.  “Steve,” Tony starts, “I’m sorry,” he says softly. 

 

“What?” Steve gasps quietly.

 

Tony sighs, leaning against the counter. “I don’t say it often, so don’t make me repeat myself. But I am,” he admits. 

 

Steve crosses his arms, hip bumping the fridge. “For what?” 

 

“Everything,” Tony says.

 

The tension in Steve’s shoulders disintegrates. His head falls, chin grazing his chest as he glances back up with a warm smile; the smile a friend gives another after being apart for so long. “I am, too, for the record. Neither of us are saints in this situation.” 

 

Tony raises his glass to Steve before setting the empty dish down with a soft clink. “I’m not mad about you and Barnes,” he says. 

 

Steve stays quiet. 

 

“I’ll never understand where you were coming from, but I have some kind of idea about coming out. I’ve heard it’s hard and world changing, even if it all goes well. So I’m sorry for fucking up your thing,” Tony says. 

 

Steve shrugs. “It was exactly planned-”

 

Tony waves him off. “That doesn’t matter. I let my shock and my own emotions get in the way and I should have been there for you. I,” he sighs, “I didn’t realize how much you were going through until your breakdown last year. And the more I think about how much pain you were in then, the more I realize that this must have been bubbling for a while now.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “I feel like an ass, Steve.”

 

“That’s because you are an ass,” Steve says with a smirk. “But so am I.”  

 

He moves to pat Tony on the back, hand lingering. “Look, I know we’ve had some issues in the past and we may never fully get over those, but… But I want to move on. Fuck, I’ll go to couples therapy with you if that’s what will give us what we did have back-”

 

Steve shakes his head. “Tony, you don’t understand. We didn’t have anything to salvage. When we were friends back then, you didn’t even recognize that I was dealing with trauma from the war and crashing a plane. None of you did, and that’s my fault. I didn’t let you in, so there wasn’t a chance for you to see just how fucked up I was. And you did the same. I knew you were dealing with your own bullshit, especially after the Mandarin thing. But I know for a fact that you were concerned about me when Bucky popped back up, just like I was freaking out watching you tackle a terrorist slowly. That’s the only good thing I want to keep from our previous relationship: the fact that we care about each other.” 

 

Tony nods. “I can deal with that.”

 

“Good. Now c’mon, we can talk about our issues at couples therapy. I need a cigarette and my husband,” Steve says, clapping his hands.

 

“What’s with the cig- Wait,” Tony grabs Steve’s shoulder, “husband?”

 

Steve laughs, smile dopey and shy. “Yeah, we got married back in the day. Unofficially of course. But once we’re out, I’m gonna propose to him. Just like we dreamed of.” 

 

Tony grins. “Can I plan the wedding?” 

 

Steve rolls his eyes. “You were just pissed off that I hid my life from you and now you want to plan my wedding?”

 

“It’s called character development, Rogers. Look it up,” Tony says as he walks past the captain. 

 

Steve huffs and follows him back to the couch. 

 

“You didn’t kill each other,” Bucky says, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Not yet,” Steve sighs, taking Bucky’s hand again. “What’d I miss?” 

 

Bucky shrugs. “I was just telling everyone how you like to get su-” 

 

Sam covers Bucky’s mouth, face ashen and serious. “Do  _ not _ ruin our childhoods with your filth, Barnes.” 

 

The assassin winks at him.

 

Steve moves to lean into Bucky more, his body awkward and shy like a teenager in their first relationship. “I think that’s enough questions for the day,” he sighs. 

 

“But wait,” Peter starts, “how come you decided to come out now?” 

 

Bucky raises an eyebrow, looking to Steve. “This is all you, doll.” 

 

Steve looks down at his lap. “We’d been talking about coming out before the snap. Hell, we were talking about it while we were fighting Thanos’ army. And after everything-” He takes a deep breath. “I couldn’t wait any longer.” 

 

“And now we’re here,” Bucky sighs. 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Steve and Bucky wait by the door, shoulders brushing against one another. 

 

“She’s gonna freak,” Bucky whispers. 

 

“You’re going to give her a heart attack, coming in and out of her life like this,” Steve says.

 

Bucky shrugs. “Or she’ll be very unsurprised.” 

 

The door creaked open, revealing Daisy in a lovely summer dress. “Well I’ll be damned. Bucky Barnes just can’t let death win, can he?”

 

“I ain’t dying without a fight and you know it,” Bucky laughs as he pulls her into a hug. 

 

Daisy laughs as she moves to hug Steve. “At this rate I’ll outlive the both of you. Now get your behinds to the table, I’m starving.” 

 

Steve salutes her as he pulls away. “Yes ma’am!” 

 

They gather around the table, like they’ve done so many times before with the boys on either side of their Daisy. Bucky and Steve hook their ankles together, like old times, and the three of them hold hands as Steve says grace. 

 

And they eat together. And they talk. And they laugh. And they  _ live. _

 

“So,” Bucky says as he wipes his mouth, “we have news.” 

 

Daisy raises an eyebrow as she stuffs a bite of parmesan chicken into her mouth. “Oh?” she says, mouthful.

 

Steve smirks, the toe of his sneaker rubbing at Bucky’s leg. “Yeah, we do. You want to tell her or should I?”

 

Bucky grins and sets down his fork. “Stevie kissed me.” 

 

Daisy rolls her eyes. “You act like he doesn’t kiss you all the time.” 

 

He shakes his head. “No, Daise, this was different. Steve kissed me when we saw each other.”

 

She makes a noise of approval, smiling between the two of them. “That’s really cute,” she says. “How’d you convince everyone you needed a moment alone?”

 

Steve blushes and nods to Bucky.

 

Bucky’s smile is so wide as he says, “He didn’t.” 

 

Daisy gasps, her fork dropping to her plate and her hands covering her mouth. “No!”

 

“He kissed me in front of the Avengers and it was hot enough to make Tony Stark blush,” Bucky says.

 

Steve laughs. “It was pretty interesting. They didn’t take it well at first, but we talked them through it.”

 

Bucky shrugs. “They haven’t exactly gotten used to it, but I don’t care. Now I only have to worry about the public finding out. And even then, I don’t really care.” 

 

Daisy takes their hands. “Oh, that makes me so happy. You boys deserve the world,” she says. She lets their hands go and claps them together. “Oh we should celebrate. I made a cake the other night that I haven’t finished. Bucky, could you-”

 

He was already up and out of his seat, gliding to the kitchen 

 

Steve’s face falls as he straightens up. He cranes his neck, watching as Bucky pulls out more plates. Steve hunches forward and whispers, “Daisy, I need to ask you something without Bucky knowing.” 

 

Her blue eyes widen a little. “What’s the matter?” 

 

“Nothing, everything’s fine,” he soothes. He takes her hand. “I want to ask Bucky for his hand in marriage, but,” he takes a deep breath, “I’d like to ask for your permission.”

 

Daisy’s eyes water as she nods. “Oh, Stevie, yes. Please, oh please.” 

 

Steve shushes her, beaming. “I’ve got a plan and I’ll record it for you. Next time you see us, we’ll be engaged.”

 

~*~*~*~

 

Steve tugs at his baseball cap. “Buck, you ready?” he calls out through the compound. 

 

Tony looks up from his tablet. “Where are you guys going?”

 

Steve blushes and kicks at the floor. “We are going on a date,” he admits. 

 

“Really?” Tony puts down the tablet. “What’s the plan?” 

 

“Do you really want me to go into that?” Steve asks. 

 

Tony nods. “We’re friends, aren’t we? I need to make sure you don’t fuck up your fourth first date with Barnes.”

 

Steve laughs. “I never really thought about it like that,” he says. 

 

“Spill it Rogers.”

 

“Well,” Steve starts as he glances down the hall, “we’re going to get coffee first. Then we're going to walk our old neighborhood and be grandpas, just typical reminiscing and stuff. Our old apartment building, the one we grew up in, is empty so we’re going to sneak in. Then we’re taking the subway down to Coney island for the night. And while we’re in line for the Cyclone,” Steve takes a deep breath and pulls out a small box from his coat pocket, “I’m going to ask him.” 

 

Tony nods, scratching at his chin. “That’s… a solid date.” 

 

Steve blushes. “Thanks. I’m hoping he won’t get any hints or anything.”

 

“Didn’t you say you were already unofficially married? Why would he assume you were going to propose?” Tony asks. 

 

“I’m not the best at subtlety,” Steve says. 

 

Tony raises an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’ve been in the closet for decades, your a world class strategist from World War II, and you’ve been able to hide who you really are from you friends for nearly ten years. I think you’re fine.”

 

Bucky’s shrugging on a leather jacket as he walks into the living room. “When do we plan on moving back to the apartment, Rogers?” 

 

Steve shoves his hands in his pockets, hiding the box. “I gave it up. Sam and I were living here so there was no real reason to keep it. Figured we could go look around Brooklyn, see what’s available.” 

 

Tony claps a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’ll send you some addresses to check out. You kids have a nice time,” he says, walking back to the kitchen. 

 

Bucky hums as he presses a kiss to Steve’s jaw. “That was weird,” he mumbles.

 

“No, it wasn’t,” Steve says softly, “we’re just working through everything. It’s nice.”

 

“Whatever you say, Cap. C’mon, I want that pumpkin spice latte. I’m pretty sure they came out this week,” Bucky says, dragging Steve to the door. 

 

And they left. 

 

Steve takes Bucky to grab that pumpkin spice latte and then they peruse Brooklyn, looking at random apartments and talking about their pasts.

 

“Why are you so worked up?” Bucky asks as they take a turn down their old street. 

 

“I’ve been through a lot this year, Buck,” Steve sighs, bumping their shoulders. “Just want this day to be perfect.” 

 

Bucky smiles at him from under his baseball cap. “Any day with you is perfect, ya punk.” 

 

“God, Buck, when did you become such a sap?” Steve laughs.

 

“Same as you. You’re the one who’s literally taking me down memory lane.” Bucky gestures to the street.

 

Steve blushes. “Alright, you caught me. I found something last night and I wanted to show it to you.”

 

Bucky raises an eyebrow. “What is it?”

 

“I know how you hate living at the compound-”

 

Bucky whines. “I just hate being out of the city. It feels wrong. And Stark is always around the corner. I always feel like he can hear us no matter where we are.” 

 

Steve smirks. “Technically he can. There’s always Friday listening in,” he says.

 

“Fuck off, Rogers.” 

 

“Anyway, I happened upon our old place.”

 

“Isn’t that a museum now?”

 

“No, not  _ our  _ old place. The place our folks had.” 

 

Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up. “It’s still around?”

 

Steve shakes his head. “No, not really. It’s still the same place, but updated. Like, heavily updated. Stark level updated,” he says. 

 

“So?”

 

“So, there happens to be an apartment open. It’s big. And…” Steve stops in front of their old apartment building. “Well, let’s go inside.” 

 

Steve leads them upstairs. It’s different. It’s modernized. It’s new. They stop on Steve’s old floor, in front of the Roger’s home. 

  
Bucky whistles. “It looks weird.” 

 

“It does,” Steve admits. The door is a dark grey, just another bland door in what was once a warm hallway. 

 

Steve opens the door. 

 

“What the hell are you doing?” Bucky asks. 

 

“I’m going in,” Steve laughs. 

 

Bucky throws his hands in the air. “You can’t just go into someone’s house, Rogers.” 

 

“But it’s my house,” Steve says. 

 

“Technically it was your ma’s,” Bucky says as he steps inside. 

 

The apartment is empty. The kitchen had been expanded and the living room was now divided into two rooms by a half wall. And there was a staircase against the far corner. 

 

“Is this two stories?” Bucky gasps.

 

Steve nods, grinning. “They combined our old places, Buck.” 

 

Bucky’s skin goes pale. “What did you mean by this being your house?” 

 

“Guess you figured it out, then.” Steve rubs at this neck. 

 

“Oh my god, Rogers, did you buy us this house?” 

 

Steve winces. “I did,” he admits.

 

Bucky takes two steps forward and presses a kiss to Steve’s lips. “How’d I get so lucky with you?” 

 

And at that moment, Steve didn’t even care about his plans for the “perfect” proposal. He didn’t care about anything. He only cared about Bucky being in his arms, in the middle of their new place (that just so happens to be their old place), and the future it holds for them. 

 

Steve holds Bucky’s face, his thumb running over the stubble on the man’s cheek. He pulls away, his teeth tugging at Bucky’s bottom lip. “I love you,” he says, breathless.

 

Bucky grins, pressing their foreheads together. “I love you too.”

 

They stand there, holding each other with their foreheads touching. And it’s perfect. It’s oh so perfect. 

 

Steve takes a deep breath and lets the tension fall from his shoulders. 

 

And then he says it. 

 

“Marry me.” 

 

Because his future plans didn’t matter and neither did the past. 

 

All that matters is the here and now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Our Now!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this series! I hope you're enjoying it as much as I am. There's so much left in store for Steve and Bucky and I can't wait to share it with you. 
> 
> The next installment is Our Future and coming soon!! Subscribe to the series to find out when I post it!


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